How do you feel about the potential for friends to cross boundaries with romantic partners? A user asked, Am I wrong for telling my best friend his gf is disgusting?
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (22F) has been friends with Danny (22m) since high school, and he recently moved in with his current girlfriend, Lucy (22f).
What Happened Next?
They had a housewarming party on Friday, and Lucy spent most of the night dancing with her friends who are very like her (excitable and extroverted, e.g.) and dragging Danny away from his conversations with us (his friends) to dance even though he’s more like us (introverted not party animals).
What Did OP Do?
Later Danny was quiet, so OP asked if he was okay, and he said he was just tired, but he just kept watching Lucy dancing and then said something in her ear the next time she came over. Lucy just shook her head and laughed at him.
After She Returned
After she returned to her friends, OP asked if it was bothering him how she was behaving, and he asked me to explain. OP mentioned the attention-seeking dancing and that she was wearing something revealing even though other guys were at this party. Danny said it didn’t bother him and then sat with a moody face.
OP Called Her Disgusting
At the night’s end, Lucy sat down with everyone and started chatting nonstop about how amazing the party had been. OP pointed out jokingly Danny obviously wasn’t enjoying himself since he looked miserable, and Danny told her OP was worried he was jealous because of her outfit.
What Did Lucy Do
Lucy ruffled his hair (which he hates, according to the OP) and said he was quiet because he loved her outfit so much he couldn’t wait for us all to leave to “drag” her to bed.
What Did OP Do?
OP thought that was utterly inappropriate and said to Danny in that case, OP would leave if she was just going to be disgusting and Lucy just laughed at OP and OP did leave.
Danny Messaged OP
Today, Danny messaged OP saying Lucy wants an apology before OP is allowed back at their home, but when OP asked if Lucy will apologize for making her uncomfortable, he said no, she doesn’t have anything to be sorry about.
OP Wants To Know If He Is A Jerk
OP was genuinely worried about her friend but admitted that she could have just left without calling her disgusting. So, OP wants to know if she is a jerk.
What Do People Have To Say
“You are a jerk, girl…..what? I’m sorry, but that’s such a hateful way to talk about someone’s girlfriend just for having fun. She was literally just minding her business and having a good time & you had to hate on her for it?”
Are You Jealous?
“You are wrong. Just say that you wanna date Danny and be done with the jealousy. Or admit that you want to keep him to yourself even if not romantically involved. This sounds like a classic “I don’t want him, but I don’t want anyone else to have him either” scenario.”
You Set Up The Drama
“Yeah, you are a jerk. Lucy sounds like she was having a good time, and Danny didn’t seem to mind her behavior until you decided to stir up drama.
I don’t know if you feel like you’re losing your friend or have a thing for him, but you’ve injected yourself into his relationship unwanted and unasked and insulted your friend’s partner. Apologise and stop judging their relationship if you want to remain friends.”
“Right? I’ve been the gf in OP’s story, and it’s wild how much the guy’s friends think they have control over him. My bf loves when I touch his hair, but he wouldn’t let anyone else dare try. He loves it when I dress up nicely, even with other men.
Sometimes we make sus comments publicly, but we have fun and know each other’s boundaries. When someone else comes in and tells me “he doesn’t like that >: (“I question what they’re trying to achieve with their relationship with my bf.)
OP, you need to consider why you feel like you need to speak on behalf of your friend when he’s capable of standing up for himself; you’re not his mum or partner.”
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