Is it reasonable for a woman to refuse to host her nephew’s birthday party at her home because she was unhappy with his behavior there in the past?
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for refusing to host a birthday party because my nephew isn’t allowed in my house.”. Let’s read the entire story to know more.
The original poster (OP) 24F lives on a 4-acre property that she bought for cheap from her grandma, who moved to a retirement community.
Her nephew is turning 16 at the end of the month. So her sister asked if they could host his party there on the “family property,” meaning at OP’s house.
WHAT WAS OP’S REASON FOR NOT LETTING HER SISTER HOST THE BIRTHDAY PARTY?
OP refused because her nephew was not allowed at her house. She says that her nephew does not respect boundaries and treats everything like his plaything, including the boundaries of her older black lab, Davos.
WHAT DOES HE DO
He constantly chases him around and tries to pick him up despite her telling him to constantly leave him alone.
Davos has arthritis and can’t be chased around, and hates loud noises, which her nephew is very loud.
OP says that her nephew is neurotypical.
WHAT DID OP’S SISTER DO?
Her sister blew up at her, saying that she was putting a dog before her nephew and it was grandma’s property that she couldn’t dictate.
WHAT DID OP SAY?
OP told her it was her property; she bought it and tended it, and paid all the bills for it.
WHAT DID HER MOM SAY?
Her mom called her and asked if she could just put Davos in a room during the party and just deal with it for just a day, but she refused.
HOW DID OP RESPOND?
OP said that this is his house, and he’s allowed to go wherever he wants, and she won’t shut him in a room.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Now her family is divided, some of them calling her immature and selfish and others saying she was right, while some, including her father, refuse to get involved.
OP says that she and her grandmother have always had a very close relationship, and she has helped her tend the property for as long as she can remember.
So her grandmother offered to sell it to her when she grew too old to tend to it herself. So no, other family members weren’t given the opportunity to buy it, but they also weren’t interested in it.
It is very old and outdated, and her sister especially always talked about how much she hated the aesthetic of the house. The sole reason she wants to host the birthday party there is because her house has the most space. It’s not a sentimental space for her.
Now OP wants to know if what she is doing is wrong.
YOUR NEPHEW HAS TO LEARN
“Your nephew (and his mother) are learning that actions have consequences. Best birthday gift you could give him.”
YOUR FAMILY IS ENTITLED
“I think the bigger issue is that her family feels entitled to her home because their grandma once owned it–and I guess had access to it at some point. It seems like there’s a need for stronger boundaries there.
You don’t HAVE to even have a reason (even though you do, your nephew) to not host a party in YOUR house. It’s not a family home. You own it.
I know people who have issues with others just showing up to the house since it was once a parent’s/grandparent’s home, and they are used to having access and still want it. This is a case to put a foot down without even having to appeal to this. Not a jerk, of course.”
YOUR SISTER IS A JERK
“Not a jerk. If the almost-16-year-old wasn’t a terror, this would be a non-issue.
Your sister says, ‘You’re putting a dog over a person’ because she knows that, on the surface, that would sound inappropriate or imbalanced. The REAL issue is that an elderly dog would not be a barrier to a party necessarily if you could trust your family members to all behave and be respectful.
Kids MUCH younger than 15 can typically manage basic rules around an old or ailing pet, and it’s not your fault that he cannot.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.