It’s understandable to want to serve food that you enjoy at your own birthday party. However, it’s important to be considerate of your guests’ dietary needs and preferences. Excluding someone from your party because you think they won’t like the food is not only disrespectful but could also be hurtful.

The Original Poster Hosts A Party

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The original poster (OP) (22F) hosted a dinner for her birthday last weekend. Her favorite food in the entire world is steak.  She booked a reservation at this new Wagyu KBBQ place for dinner. The place is new, and the beef is top-notch quality, so getting a reservation is hard unless you book early.

OP Has A Hindu Friend (Her Best Friend)

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One of OP’s best friends (22F) is Hindu and doesn’t eat beef or pork. This KBBQ place only serves beef and pork – the only things she could eat on the menu are the sides like rice, corn, kimchi, etc.

OP Didn’t Invite Her Hindu Friend

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OP didn’t invite her to the dinner; instead, they went out for Indian food the day before OP’s birthday. She got upset when she found out she wasn’t invited the day after OP’s birthday.

What Did OP Do?

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OP sent her a long paragraph to say that she was sorry and that the only reason she wasn’t invited was that she wouldn’t be able to eat anything, hence why OP went out with her privately the day before.

What Did The Friend Say?

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She told OP should’ve just picked another restaurant. OP thinks it’s a bit entitled of her to want OP to change OP’s plans for her. OP has wanted to go to this new KBBQ place for months!

OP Wants To Know

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After this, OP asks to know if she is a jerk. But OP also adds a few more things.

Says “I’m NOT a racist”

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“I’m not racist and have nothing against Hindus. I come from an Indian background and have Hindu family members. I mentioned this in the post as I wanted to clarify that my friend couldn’t eat anything that touched the grill, even vegetables.

It’s very strict for her due to her religion, unlike someone vegetarian for non-religious reasons which, for example, may be fine with eating vegetables off the same grill.”

It’s Awkward To Let Her Eat Sides

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“You guys are right that she could have come and eaten some sides. But honestly, it’s so awkward to have one person sitting at the table, not eating, looking around at all the food.

This is even more awkward at KBBQ, where everyone is sharing food. And, this place is more up-scale, unlike a buffet-style place where they have fried chicken and other dishes.

Trust me when I say I looked at the menu. And my friend told me that she would have felt awkward there (after we patched things up).”

Not Stereotyping Her

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“I can’t believe I have to say this again, but no, I’m not racist because I took her out to eat Indian food. We both like Indian food; I wasn’t “stereotyping” her.”

No, It’s Not The End

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“My friend only commented on changing restaurants because she was mad. She’s not an awful person, and no, I’m not ending my friendship with her over dinner (some of you guys are crazy).”

Here is what some Redditors have to say:

Your Birthday Your Wish

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“NTA. Your birthday, your wish. You did spend the previous day with them.

I think the only thing you could have done here is that you could have informed her of the reason beforehand instead of her finding out. Though I don’t think she would still be okay with it. She’s the jerk here.”

You Should Have Shared 

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“Not a jerk. Maybe it would have been better to tell her about your birthday plans when you made the reservation or invite her and let her choose if she wanted to go. However, her saying you should have just picked another restaurant IS a bit entitled, making her the jerk here. I think maybe you didn’t tell her earlier because you knew she would react badly and try to make you change your plans for her.”

It Is NOT About Food

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“Everyone is a jerk. A birthday celebration isn’t only about the food, but much more about the social setting and the company. So deciding for her and not inviting her isn’t great. You could have easily told her that you really wanted to celebrate that place and that she was invited, but you knew that it wasn’t ideal for her diet, so if she wanted to, you could go out to eat together the day before. That way, she had the option of joining for the social aspect and could decide on her own.

If my best friend invited many people to a party on her birthday but decided not to invite me or even tell me, even if her reason made sense (I don’t love big parties), it would 100% have made me feel left out. Her reaction of saying you could have just picked another restaurant is why everyone is a jerk instead of you’re a jerk. It might just be a gut reaction out of anger or disappointment, but either way, it is entitled.

Just Be Honest

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“Right, all OP had to do was be honest with their friend; that’s why you are the jerk. Just be honest, not so hard.”

Give Her An Option

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“Or let her make a choice. When I was veggie, I’d still go with my friends to steak houses, etc, and have the crappy vegetarian option and a couple of drinks. I’d have hated them not inviting me because my food options were limited.

She might have wanted to come anyway, and they just did her some rice and veggies. Also, if you call a restaurant when you make a reservation and explain dietary requirements, they can do a special dish for that person even if it’s not on the menu.

I think YTA because of making the decision for the friend when they could probably have accommodated them if OP tried.”

What Do You Think?

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Was it appropriate for OP to not invite her best friend to the steak house? Was it entitled of her friend to change the restaurant, what do you think?

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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