Parenting is hard and if you are not a good parent, your children might suffer their whole life.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for agreeing with my sister after she accused me of not liking her or caring about her life?”. Let’s look at the top comments from people.
BACKSTORY
The original poster ( OP) (22F) has three younger sisters: (20F) Ariel, (14F) Lily, and (12F) Michelle. OP’s parents have always been very open about favoring Ariel over the rest of them.
ARIEL IS MORE SOCIAL
This is likely because Ariel has a more social and extroverted personality type, like their parents, whereas OP, Lily, and Michelle are more quiet and usually stick to a small group of friends.
OP says Ariel was also the only sibling who shared certain hobbies with their dad.
FAVORITISM TO ARIEL
So OP’s dad especially, but still both of our parents, would show favoritism to Ariel through things such as being involved in her hobbies, having an active interest in her social life, praising her accomplishments, and getting her nicer presents.
In contrast, OP did not receive that treatment, and Lily and Michelle currently do not either.
IT IS NOT ARIEL’S FAULT
OP knows that their parents are choosing to favor Ariel openly, and their favoritism isn’t her fault directly. But Ariel recognizes the favoritism to the point of being able to acknowledge it verbally, yet is okay with it since she’s the favorite.
OP says that Ariel rubs it in OP, Lily, and Michelle’s faces.
ARIEL WAS HARSH
OP says that just a few weeks ago, Ariel told Lily and Michelle that it was their fault that their dad ignored them by saying that he’d be interested in them as well if they were good at XYZ.
Ariel says, “If they want that, then they should try getting into XYZ.”
OP DOESN’T WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH ARIEL
OP says that she talked to their parents about staying close to Lily and Michelle. OP doesn’t make any effort to be involved with Ariel at all. OP says that this school year, both Lily and Michelle made the honor roll at their school.
THEY WENT OUT TO CELEBRATE
Since their mom didn’t acknowledge it beyond an “Oh, good job” and their dad didn’t acknowledge it at all, OP took Lily and Michelle to Dave and Buster’s and some of their other favorite spots to celebrate.
OP admits that they stayed out pretty late, and their parents were spending the night somewhere else, so it turns out that only Ariel was home by the time they got back.
OP says that after Lily and Michelle went to bed, she was preparing to leave when Ariel asked to talk.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
OP says that Ariel said she hadn’t come to her graduation. OP said that Ariel never came to any of her graduations, plus she didn’t even ask her to be at hers.
Ariel told OP that her birthday last month was bad enough because fewer people came than she expected, and OP didn’t get her a present when she had the money to take Lily and Michelle out.
Also, Ariel accused OP of not liking her or caring about what’s going on in her life.
OP told Ariel as objectively as possible that her accusation was true for the reasons explained in the second paragraph. She said herself they aren’t “worthy” of being their parents’ favorite like she is, so leave them be.
ARIEL CRIED
OP says Ariel cried, but she was too tired to deal with her and just went home. OP talked to some friends about the situation, and a few told her that they felt bad for Ariel.
Now OP wants to know if what she did is wrong.
ARIEL IS ALSO A VICTIM
OP’s friends said that Ariel is also a victim of their parents’ favoritism, and now she has to watch her sisters be super close to one another while she’s the odd one out.
OP asks if she is a jerk for still arguing with her friends that Ariel is now 20 and is no victim now that she’s an adult.
Now OP wants to know if what she did was right.
SHE IS OLD ENOUGH TO BEHAVE WELL
“Agreed, and rubbing it in the faces of her siblings just sapped any empathy I may have had. She knows she’s the golden child and expects her siblings to favor her too.
She’s old enough to know better! Not a jerk, OP. Yes, she was a victim too in a way but it sounds like she reveled in it instead of being supportive of her siblings.”
YOU ARE NOT A JERK
“I was on the fence until I saw that she is 20 and treating a 12 and 14-year-old this way. That takes her into the jerk territory. No, the favoritism isn’t her fault, but what is her fault is throwing it in the faces of two literal children.
A good, caring sister wouldn’t have thrown in their faces that she’s the favorite. She would have tried to find a way to help them feel more important in some way, as you have. What she has done to those children is not okay.
Maybe you didn’t handle the conversation right, but you’re not wrong in what you said. Should you have left her crying? Maybe not, but at the same time, doing so might be the wake-up call she needs to realize how she is hurting her sisters with her words and behavior.
That said, I’m going to have to go with Not a jerk here.”
SHE SHOULD LEARN TO BE A BETTER PERSON
“Not a jerk. It seems Ariel’s real problem is not enough people came to her birthday, and not enough money was spent on her. And when she complained, you were too tired to deal and inadvertently grey rocked her. Good for you.
She’s 20 now is the time she will learn to be a better person or not. I’m not seeing her as the victim your friends are.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.