Sometimes, certain words from some people can bother us so much that they tend to cling to our memories forever!

A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for not sharing a family recipe with someone who doesn’t consider me family?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!


Couple incompatibility problems watching tv sitting on a couch at home
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The Original Poster (OP) and her boyfriend Nick have been dating for three years, almost four now. Before this incident, OP got along great with his family. 

“I was invited to spend holidays with them, and we exchanged gifts on birthdays, so I thought we were pretty close,” says OP. 


Conflict in a family
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Every year, Nick’s family goes on a trip. This summer, the trip was to somewhere OP wanted to go. OP asked Nick’s mom, who was planning the trip if OP could tag along if she paid for herself. 

“She said sorry, but this was a family trip, and I wasn’t family yet. I told Nick, and he said no one’s significant other was invited, so I wasn’t the only one being excluded. I was still upset but dropped the subject”, says OP. 


mother in law upset daughter
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It’s now fall, and the weather is getting cooler. Nick’s family was coming over, so OP made her family’s chili recipe to celebrate the cold weather. Nick and his family love OP’s chili, so she ensured they had enough to take home. 

“Before Nick’s mom left, she asked if I could share the recipe with her so she could make it for a work potluck. I told her sorry, but this is a secret family recipe. She asked, ‘Aren’t we already considered family?’ I replied, ‘According to you, we aren’t.’ After that, she went ‘oh okay’ and left, ” says OP. 


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After everyone was gone, Nick told OP she was being cruel. She (OP) reminded him that his mother was the one who said she wasn’t family first, and his mom can’t pick and choose when they are. 

“He said that was a completely different situation, and I was being petty,” says OP 


mother in law with couple fight
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Nick left after that and has been cold with OP for several days. 

“I don’t see how I’m in the wrong here. It’s okay for your boyfriend’s mother to deny me something because we’re not family, but when I do it, I’m a jerk. 

Am I a jerk, or was my response justified?” asks OP. 


Frustrated young girl shrugging shoulders isolated over gray background. I do not know where to spend her vacation, what destination to choose.
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“Not the jerk. The mom is the one who set that stage up, not you. It was not petty or cruel. After all, she pretty much said the same thing. You throwing it back into her face never would have been possible if she hadn’t said it first.”


I dont want to. Studio shot of a young woman making a funny face against a gray background
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“Not the jerk. You are simply playing by mom’s rules. It’s a family recipe; she told you you aren’t family yet. She doesn’t get to pick and choose when you’re family.” 


Young woman portrait over grey background
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“Sounds like the mom got a taste of her own medicine. Disappointed in your boyfriend for not standing up for you for the chili incident.” 


I dont want to. Studio shot of a young woman making a funny face against a gray background
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“Not the jerk. It wasn’t a completely different situation. You wanted to go on the trip and offered to pay your way. It would have been different if you expected them to pay for you to go. Her response was, ‘You aren’t family yet’. They see you as a jerk because you used their argument against them, and they can’t counter it.”


Photo portrait of lovely young lady sorry forget shrug shoulders cute wear trendy orange clothes isolated on blue color background.
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“Not the jerk. As you said, it’s not up to her to promote or demote you as a family whenever it suits her. But it seems like Nick also doesn’t consider you family if it’s so easy for him to disregard you from family and then blame you when you do not act like family, OP. He probably gets it from his mother.”


Don't know, sorry. Portrait of clueless uncertain confused curly-haired woman in urban style hoodie shrugging shoulders in questioning gesture, looking with indifference. indoor studio shot isolated
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“Not the jerk. You are 100% right. This isn’t pick and choose when we are family. We either are or not. Your boyfriend needs some serious thought, though. He’s shown you he will take his mother’s side. Your whole life will be his mother making decisions, and he will follow her. Think hard about this.”


Image Credits: Roman Samborskyi, Shutterstock

“Not the jerk. It’s only different because your boyfriend’s precious mom is disappointed. She set the stage, and you acted the part. This is on her. Additionally, your boyfriend trying to do the mental gymnastics to justify why his mother can’t be wrong is concerning. No trip for you, no chili for her, the same principle here.”

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