To sustain a marriage, both partners must take responsibility and fulfill their obligations. Otherwise, bitterness and even divorce may result.
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for telling my brother it’s pathetic that he can’t do the basics of what his wife did?”. Read the complete story to see who is wrong here.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) loves her SIL and brother.
She says they have two kids, her SIL Rachel was a kind of SAHM. She worked from home part-time but also took care of the kids and did all the household chores all by herself.
OP says she would maintain the house so well, her house was spotless whenever OP visited.
OP’S SIL’S SCHEDULE IS PERFECT
OP says that she thought she was just cleaning a little extra when she had guests, but that wasn’t the case. When OP had her kid, her SIL showed her the schedule.
She would be up at 5 for meal prepping for the whole day. She never stopped, and OP says that a lot of her tips helped her as well.
WHAT HAPPENED TO OP’S BROTHER?
Now OP’s brother lost his job and so it was decided that Rachel would go back to work full time and he would stay at home.
She says their kids are in kindergarten and first grade, and he has this in easy mode.
HOW DID OP’S BROTHER PERFORM HIS DUTIES?
OP has been over to help sometimes since he is bad at it. She says that the house is always a mess, and the kids are usually late to school.
Her brother asked her to drive them after the school. She also added that he doesn’t cook.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
He got into a huge argument with his wife since dinner wasn’t done, and his wife had to make it.
WHAT DID OP TELL?
OP says he was ranting about how it is unfair and that he is trying. She also added that she told her brother it’s pathetic that he can’t do the basics of his wife’s work.
He has 8 hours free, and he can’t keep the house clean. She told her brother she would divorce him if he didn’t stop being lazy and figure it out.
WHAT DID HIS BROTHER TELL?
She says her brother left after calling her a jerk, and her mom is now on her for what she said.
OP’S UPDATE ABOUT THE SITUATION
OP updated that she loves her SIL, and her mom apologized to her after Rachel sent pictures to her mom of what the kitchen and house looked like.
She also added that OP showed her the messages received from the school and a text argument about how he shouldn’t be doing this. Her SIL gave her brother two options: get his life together or get out.
She also updated that she learned a lot more about the situation and learned his brother hadn’t packed the kid’s lunches the last two days. She thinks that he just broke his marriage.
Now OP wants to know who is wrong here.
HOW IS THAT HAPPENING CONSISTENTLY?
“She worked part-time and did it all. He has no job at all and can’t even somewhat cut it. How were the kids late?! I mean, one time can always happen, but consistently?
I think being a SAHP IS hard. But with both kids going to school, he should have the time to do the most of it.”
YOU ARE NOT WRONG
“You’re not wrong. Sure, it could have been put more elegantly, but sugar-coating wouldn’t have made your point any less valid.
This is his job now, and he is underperforming. Maybe this subpar work effort is why he lost his other job, to begin with.”
SHE COULD MANAGE WITHOUT HIM
“Honestly, you’re right. If he cannot prove that that system will work, SIL may realize that she doesn’t really need him as a partner if he can’t earn his keep.
I get that it’s a rough adjustment he has to make, but he’s not getting any aspect of a stay-at-home parent, right? Especially considering the fact that he’s not working and the kids are at school for a good chunk of the day.
The fact that SIL was able to do it all with non-school-aged kids while also working part-time should be a wake-up call. Chances are she could probably manage without him if it came down to it.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.