Is it no longer okay to be considerate and take care of the loved ones of your friends? Would you be okay if you were called out for your hospitality when you did the best you could?
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for cooking food while my roommate’s girlfriend was here & offering her some?” We want you to find out.
The Original Poster (OP) (21M) is from the south. He grew up in New Orleans and Texas. His mom runs a catering business, and the majority of clients were either at home in Louisiana or Texas.
He added this to say that he grew up cooking and helping his mom cook for the business. He was frying chicken and catfish when he could reach the stove and making gumbo and buttermilk biscuits at a very young age. OP is currently in culinary school right now.
Where Has OP Been Living And With Whom?
OP says, “I’ve lived in a rented house on the east coast with my roommate(22m) for a year and a half. He’s not a friend or anything. We just linked up because we both needed roommates in the area. He’s good to live with, and we watch shows and movies together.
We hang out and go out for drinks sometimes. I have always made friends easily because of being from the South and doing customer service-related things since I was a kid. I know how to talk and charm and listen to folk despite being naturally more in the introverted spectrum.”
What Happened With His Roommate’s Girlfriend?
OP’s roommate has been seeing his girlfriend (20F) for like 6 months. He’d met her before and seen her in passing. His roommate and his gf had a 2-week break from school. She still lives with her parents so she decided to stay with them for the whole two weeks.
Op Was Doing Things Normally
OP was doing things as he would normally do. It got weird at first when he was about to mow the lawn, and the roommate stopped him and said he wanted to mow (I usually always mow.) A couple of days later, OP was outside washing his car.
He asked both of them if they wanted him to do theirs. She looked like she was going to agree, but he looked at her angrily so they declined.
What Happened Next?
OP cooks pretty frequently at home as well and usually lets his roommate have some. So any time he’d make something he would say that they could have some, and this would get him frustrated.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “Weeks prior, when she was here, and we were all talking. She mentioned this specific kind of cheesecake that she really likes. So I made and sent out a group text so that everyone could have it. My roommate got upset. I don’t see anything as overstepping a boundary, as this is how I treat him and all guests.
The other day he told me how annoying it was to hear his gf talk about “how good your roommate’s fresh baked bread is.” I’m not trying to make him look bad or anything. This is how I was raised. If I bake two loaves of bread, I’m gonna leave it out for the house to eat.”
Some More Context
OP later edited the post to add the following information:
“EDIT 1 – The cheesecake is just a common courtesy type thing to me. When his parents come over, I make pound cake because they like it. If a guest is coming, you get/make what they like. Nothing odd about picking up their favorite chips or making some tea when guests arrive. Just how I was raised
EDIT 2 – Just want to say we generally have a good roommate relationship. We’re not best friends, but it’s friendly enough. The only change has been when his gf is here. So lol no I am not looking for new roommates/to be adopted/or to move but thanks.
What Really Upset His Roommate
Here are some more things that upset him.
- I went to the grocery store and asked if anyone needed anything
- I was frying chicken and offered the first/best pieces out of the oil to them
- I changed the oil to my own car
- I used a smoker in the backyard to make brisket
- I grill and smoke in the backyard and needed a piece of wood cut into a certain way to hold something up. I cut and nailed some wood together in the garage.
- Feels like I can’t even exist while she is here”
Man, You’re Raising The Bar High
“You are raising a bar he doesn’t want to be raised by getting things done. He wants to pretend he is a better partner than he is. He also doesn’t want you to highlight things he isn’t interested in doing.
In a way, you are unintentionally showing that he isn’t the best partner material around. Keep doing as you are. He is being ridiculous.” Said one.
“Exactly what I thought. OP is raising the bar and Mr Bare Minimum doesn’t like it one bit.” Another added.
What Exactly Is He Afraid Of?
“So he’s okay with you feeding him but has a problem when you offer to feed his gf who just happens to be in the house. It’s not like you only cook when she’s there.
Why? Is he afraid you’re gonna steal her with the help of food? Is he afraid she’s only hanging out with him because you feed her? Ask your roomie what the problem is. And then stop doing what he doesn’t like. If that means not feeding her, then stop feeding him too.
You sound like a great roomie. You mowed and offered to wash their cars? Who does that? You’re like southern hospitality on steroids.”
Your Roomie Is WAY TOO INSECURE
“Lol, if another guy mowing the lawn and cooking is enough to make him insecure, he’s probably not doing anything useful himself.”
“Your roommate is just wildly insecure. You did nothing wrong. You sound like a gracious host, and a very generous person.”
Ask Him To Learn Those Things Instead
“Your roommate is just jealous and is trying to make himself look better in front of his GF. If he mentions anything again about being annoyed or anything, just say, “Well, you could try your hand at it as well…” or, “You know, you could do these same things for her and everyone”. Something along those lines. Let this serve as a mini wake-up call for him to light a fire under his butt for his gf so to speak. You’re doing nothing wrong.”
More From Mrs Daaku Studio
Relationships can be complicated and you don’t want anyone to take you for granted. Read about this Boyfriend Who Refuses To Buy Food For His Girlfriend For Two Weeks When She Was Laid Off. Says “Don’t Want To Give Money For Nothing