It is very selfish to get a favor from a person but not invite them to the wedding. He was upset and so he took away the shawl.

A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for taking back a shawl my wife made for a bride-to-be after she was uninvited from the wedding?”. Read the complete story to know who is wrong here.


wedding lavish
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The Original Poster’s (OP) wife, Lena, crochets often and gifts it to friends and family. When his wife’s 2nd oldest brother married, his wife made the bride a shawl to wear over her dress in the evening.

The bride loved it, and ever since, Lena has made shawls for everyone in her family getting married.


Depressed man closing his eyes while his angry wife shouting
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Lena’s oldest brother, George, is getting married again. Lena doesn’t have a relationship with George, as he was abusive to her as a child, but if she has to see him, she is polite but distant.


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She doesn’t want to cut off the rest of her family because of George.

OP works with George, and while they aren’t friends, they are friendly at work – Lena encouraged this; when George got moved to OP’s team, he was going to request a transfer, not wanting to expose Lena to George as his team do a lot of get-together with their significant others.


Couple arguing with each other on white background.
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As it is a family wedding, Lena’s mom asks her if she could crochet a shawl for George’s fiancee, and Lena agrees. It was arranged that once it was finished, OP would take it to work to give to George so that Lena didn’t have to see George.

Earlier that week, the shawl was completed, and he emailed George at work to let him know that he would bring it in today as the wedding is tomorrow.


Unhappy couple not talking after an argument in bed at home.
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When OP got to work this morning, he gave George the shawl and told him that he and Lena were looking forward to the wedding.

Then it was at lunchtime, Lena called him to let him know that George’s fiancee had called her and told her that she was no longer invited to the wedding, citing the place they were having the wedding and the reception venue was too small for the number they had coming. So, they are having to make cutbacks.


elationship difficulties, conflict and emotions concept - unhappy couple having argument
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However, OP was still invited to the wedding. He was mad because they only invited Lena to get a shawl, which to him is just rude.

He says that if they had asked Lena outright to make one, she probably would have done it because she loves to crochet.


Young caucasian couple arguing sitting on sofa at home
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On his way out of work, he noticed George wasn’t at his desk, but the shawl was.

He says that he was still mad that they had used Lena to get a shawl, and he just shoved it in his work bag.


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He left a note on his desk telling George since Lena was no longer invited, the shawl and he would no longer be attending either.


Sad pensive couple thinking of relationships problems sitting on sofa, conflicts in marriage, upset couple after fight dispute, making decision of breaking up get divorced
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On his way home, he told Lena what he had done and asked her if she wanted to go out instead so as not to waste having a sitter. Lena was upset that he had taken the shawl as it was causing an uproar in her family group chat, where people were calling her petty because he took it back.


Couple having a heated discussion
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Lena wants him to give it back. He doesn’t think he should; they don’t deserve Lena’s kindness. However, at the same time, he doesn’t want Lena to be upset with him over George and a shawl.

OP asks if he is a jerk for taking back the shawl.


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He says that he has messaged the group chat, letting them know that he took it and that if they should be angry at anyone, then it should be him, but he would also do it again because no one gets to be a jerk to Lena.


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“I would have taken it back. It was extremely rude to un-invite your wife but still “allow” you to come. There is no point in giving the shawl back now. What’s done is done.”


Young beautiful redhead woman wearing casual sweater over isolated pink background clueless and confused with open arms, no idea concept.
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“Lena needs to stand up for herself and not be a darn doormat for her family. If they think it’s fine that Lena gets uninvited but think Lena is petty for you taking the shawl back, then why on earth is there still any contact with them?”


Photo of staring woman depressed hands head failed wtf crazy stressed dissatisfied forget house keys isolated on blue color background.
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“Your wife needs to learn how to have a backbone. She’s being used for her UNPAID skills and mistreated at the same time.”

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