Some people love going out of their way to claim their rights over other people’s belongings.

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not gifting my grandmother’s wedding set to my stepson, even though I don’t have children?” We need you to find out!


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The Original Poster’s (OP’s) sister (56F) and OP (58F) each inherited their grandmother’s wedding bands (OP got hers from their maternal grandmother, and OP’s sister brought her set from their paternal grandmother). The idea when they were young was to pass it down to their children. 

“Well, my sister had a daughter in her late 20s, and I found out that my fallopian tubes did not form quite right, and I just never could get pregnant,” says OP. 


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But then OP’s sister got pregnant again ten years later, and OP was relieved it was a little girl. 

“A few months later, we agreed that when she grew up, she would get the other set. Well, the oldest niece (now 28F) has the set from the father’s side, and the youngest (18F) is young, so I’m still holding on to them,” says OP. 


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It’s irrelevant to the situation, but OP’s first husband left because he wanted kids.

“I have since married a wonderful man (60M) who has a son (27M), and I don’t know if this is relevant, but he is an only child and my husband.

My husband’s parents died a decade ago or so, and he has become attached to my family. My stepson’s mother has a large Italian family, so he has a lot of cousins),” says OP. 


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Her (OP’s) stepson is getting ready to graduate from school next year and has a girlfriend he wants to marry. His own (maternal) grandmother has offered her a set to him if he wanted them (which, to be honest, OP thought was generous and sweet of her). 

“He didn’t like the style and declined. But he has now asked if I would give him my grandmother’s set. Here’s the kicker: he reasons that my niece, who is intended to receive it, is ace (asexual),” says OP. 


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OP tried to gently and reasonably explain that it didn’t matter what OP’s niece did with it. They belonged to her. She may very well want them for a wholly different reason. 

He said that there isn’t a better reason than marriage since that is what they were made for and that she made sure that isn’t in her future. 

“I (maybe stupidly) suggested maybe she would want a ceremony to commit to her wellbeing and health and happiness. He got real fussy about her marrying her cat,” says OP. 


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She (OP) told him she was sorry, but they are family heirlooms from OP’s side of the family to be passed through OP’s side of the family. He got trashy about “I guess I’m not in ‘your side’ of the family,” at which point OP’s husband said that this hurt his feelings since he thought OP considered his son “part of OP’s family.” 

“An absolute cluster of hurt feelings ensued and ended with the stepson storming off and my husband in the guest room. So I’m here completely alone, no kids of my own to give this to, my husband acting like I somehow severed him and his son from ‘my family,'” says OP. 


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“Here’s the thing. I don’t care if my niece is ace and if she is for her life or if she explores romantic and personal relations of whatever nature (enthusiastic consenting adults is my only caveat). 

She is under no obligation to find a partner of any gender and certainly doesn’t owe anyone children. She’s 18 years old, for Christ’s sake. She may very well decide to share it as a spiritual life partner, or she might do what my sister and I did and agree with her sister to pass it down through her children (ironically, the oldest niece has two baby girls (3 and 4)). 

But somehow, I’m the jerk? I mean, am I?” asks OP. 


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“Not the jerk. Before your husband and stepson entered your life, you pledged to pass your rings on to your niece. It doesn’t matter what her sexuality is; they effectively belong to her, and you do not have the right to give her belongings to someone else. 

Only if you had no plans for the rings would your stepson be able to ask. It has nothing to do with whether he is part of the family. It’s to do with honoring a promise. What makes your stepsons even more of an entitled jerk is his rejection of the rings he was already offered as not good enough.” 


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“Your stepson just wants the most excellent ring he can get for free. His grandmother offered him her ring, but he wants the one from your grandmother because he or his girlfriend likes that one better. 

You have already promised the ring to your niece, and I think it is important to honor your word here.” 


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“Not the jerk. The fate of the rings was decided long ago. The only mistake I see you’ve made here was entering into a discussion with your stepson. ‘I’m sorry, those rings are already spoken for’ would have been sufficient. No is a complete sentence.” 


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“You have already promised the rings to your niece. They are not available for your stepson to have. End of story. This has nothing to do with how you see your stepson.

This young man wants free rings for his girlfriend. He does not wish for sentimental grandmother rings, or he’d accept his grandmother’s offer. Your rings must be more expensive. 

His attempt to bully you is shameful. He insulted your niece. He tried to guilt you. Your husband should have at least listened to you, but no, he jumped to his baby boy’s defense. Go ahead and give them to your sister for her daughter.”


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“Not the jerk. The rings were promised to your niece, and your stepson is manipulative and greedy. He wants a freebie of his choosing. At age 27, he should be mature enough for marriage, but it seems he isn’t. I am sorry you are caught with these two man-babies.

Not that it matters to them, but has anyone asked the bride-to-be what she wants in a ring?”

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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