Would you support a relationship where abuse is involved? Especially when your best friend is at the receiving end?
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting to attend my best friend’s wedding after I agreed to be her maid of honor?”. Please look into this matter!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (26) and her best friend (28) have been very close for almost eight years.
“Me, her, her fiancé, and my boyfriend have always been close and spent a lot of time together. After she got engaged last year, she asked me to be her maid of honor, and I said yes.”, says OP.
BEST FRIEND’S WEDDING
Now it’s the month of OP’s best friend’s wedding, and OP has done all the things a maid of honor does, like planning a bachelorette, wedding shower, etc. The weekend before her marriage, she, her fiancé, OP’s boyfriend, and OP went on a beach trip to relax before the wedding.
BEACH TRIP TURNS TOXIC
As soon as they got there, OP’s friend and her fiancé started arguing, and it didn’t stop the whole weekend. They argued in front of OP and her boyfriend at least fifteen times, and OP felt it was honestly awkward and created a lot of tension.
THE WEDDING GETS CALLED OFF
While OP’s best friend was fighting and mad, she blurted to OP and her boyfriend that her fiancé had abused, cheated, and lied to her over the years. She was saying she was beaten to the point he was pulling a loaded gun on her and leaving bruises all over her body. After they argued, she called the wedding off.
“They said they didn’t want to make the weekend awkward after arguing in front of us and calling off the wedding, so we all still continued with our plans for the weekend,” says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED AT THE BAR?
That night, they all went to the bar at the hotel to have some drinks, and OP’s friend was talking about going to other men’s rooms and flirting with guys right in front of her now ex-fiancé after they broke up a few hours prior.
THE SMALL ARGUMENT
Her (OP’s) boyfriend got upset with OP’s best friend and told her he was concerned about the way she was handling things, even going so far as to suggest she shouldn’t get married.
This led to a minor argument where her best friend felt they didn’t support her and believed she was the issue. OP and her boyfriend went to their room and went to bed for the night.
THE NEXT DAY
The next day, OP’s friend was upset and left the beach without telling OP. She texted OP later that day and said the wedding was back on and then uninvited OP’s boyfriend from the wedding.
“She said she was upset he confronted her, and he upset her by not supporting their relationship,” says OP.
OP’S STANCE
OP and her best friend have been arguing nonstop since they left the beach. OP told her she could not be in the wedding because OP doesn’t support a relationship where her best friend is being abused, cheated, and lied to and where she is constantly arguing.
THE CHAOS CONTINUES
OP’s best friend expects OP to give a speech to everyone about how much she loves them as a couple and supports them.
“I don’t think I can go and stand next to her as her maid of honor when I know she is/was being abused by this man. I even told her to postpone the wedding and maybe to think about it a little longer because the wedding is now in five days and all this happened two days ago.
I know abusive relationships are hard to get out of, and I offered to help her get help, but am I a jerk for not wanting to be the maid of honor or even attend my best friend’s wedding?” asks OP.
YOUR FRIEND IS A DRAMA QUEEN
“Your best friend isn’t being abused, and she’s addicted to the drama. People who are actually abused wouldn’t be so bold as to flirt and rub their abuser’s nose in their actions. They’d know what the consequences of that would be. Your friend is a drama queen, high on the rush.”
SHE SOUNDS DEEPLY DELUSIONAL
“If you can’t help your friend see the reality of how horrible this situation is, you certainly cannot stand with her at the wedding. It sounds like she is profoundly delusional and wants a wedding no matter what. You may not be able to fix this.”
STAND YOUR GROUND
“Not the jerk. Stand your ground as only a friend would. Your friend is in a toxic relationship and may possibly be toxic herself. You’re likely going to lose this friend.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.