Family heirlooms should be saved with care and attention, so that they can be enjoyed by future generations.
A user asked, Am I wrong for selling a family heirloom to pay for my destination wedding? Here is what happened:
Backstory
The Original Poster’s (OP) fiancée (38F) and OP (39M) are planning to get married this summer. They both want a lavish wedding at a winery in another state.
The two of them agree it’s an essential occasion, so they should make it as memorable as possible. They both have stable jobs and a good amount of savings, but it’s not quite enough for the (admittedly ambitious) plans they have in their heads.
What Happened Next?
OP’s father passed away in January, and in his will, he left OP a precious (think five figures) family heirloom.
OP says, “I’m not much for big family traditions, so although it’s nice to have, I’m not massively attached to it. I have plenty of other good memories of my father, and I don’t need a fancy heirloom to remember him by.”
OP’s Brother Is A History Nerd
OP’s brother (34M), however, is a huge history nerd and is attached to it. He was distraught by my father’s decision in the will (it went to OP and not to him because this has been traditionally passed to first-born sons). OP’s fiancée and I don’t plan to have children, and OP thinks he assumed that he (or his children) would be in line to get it if I were to pass away.
What Happened After Discussion With Fiance?
After some discussion, OP’s wife-to-be and OP decided that they would like to sell the heirloom to pay for our wedding.
What Did OP Say
OP says, “My brother, who is also my best man, was furious when he found out and said he wanted nothing to do with the wedding anymore. He thinks my wife-to-be and I are behaving like spoiled brats.
In addition, he convinced my uncle and cousins not to come to the wedding either. With our parents having passed away, virtually none of my family will attend the wedding, which I’m upset about.”
What Does OP Think?
OP says, “Since I legally inherited the heirloom, I can do what I want. I think he’s just upset because I ruined his expectations of one day inheriting it, but since my uncle and cousins agree with him enough that they’re not coming to the wedding, I’m not so sure I’m in the right. Am I wrong”
Here is what others have to say:
It is a Family Heirloom
“Came here to write this too! OP is you’re a jerk -once you sell a family heirloom, it’s gone forever.”
“OP, I think it’s somewhat telling that you haven’t said what the heirloom is, but reference that your brother is a history geek. If this is something that is absolutely one of a kind and unique to your family, selling it would be unforgivable.”
It Is Important To Your Father
“OP is a major jerk. Selling it would be unforgivable.
This heirloom should absolutely stay in the family, it’s obvious what your father would have wanted. It SHOULD be sentimental to you because your father honored the family tradition.
You are not. And your entire family sees what a selfish AH you truly are.
You are legally entitled to do whatever you want with this heirloom, but you will lose your entire family because of it.”
You Care About Something Stupid
“Technically you can sell it because it’s yours but YTA for caring more about a ridiculously lavish wedding that will break the bank, than you do for your relationship with your brother or your dads tradition. If your dad had known that you were going to sell it, he would have left it to your brother. I hope your lavish wedding is worth it to you.”
“I’ll never understand people who value the ceremony of a marriage over relationships. I realize the heirloom is just an object, and perhaps in different circumstances it might be fine (for example, to pay for cancer treatments or something of that seriousness). But to sell something that is of significance to the family just to get married at a destination…that says a lot about a person’s priorities”
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