Sharing a room with someone can be difficult, but it’s important to stay calm and respectful. A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for telling my roommate that her anorexia is not my problem?”. Read the complete story to make a decision for yourself.
The Original Poster (OP) and her roommate are 23F.
She says that it’s been 90 degree (F) where they live, so she has been turning on the AC when she gets home. She says that she works a physically intense outdoor job, so she comes home really sweaty and exhausted from the heat.
WHAT’S THE REAL ISSUE?
She also added that the apartment will stay cool enough for her to fall asleep, but then later on, she will wake up in the middle of the night, completely drenched in sweat.
She will then get up and find out that her roommate has been switching the AC off while she is sleeping.
HOW DOES OP FEEL?
She says that that really upsets her because it’s been making her really dehydrated and tired, to begin with, from not sleeping well, and it’s been impacting her work.
WHAT DID OP THINK?
OP’s roomie is unemployed right now, so she thought she might’ve been hung up about the power bill.
WHAT WAS HER ROOMMATE’S EXPLANATION
When she finally talked to her roommate about it, she explained that she was already very sensitive to heat, to begin with, and that because they are fortunate enough to have AC and she wanted to enjoy it when she got home, especially after a long day at work, and that the heat is causing problems for her.
WHAT DID OP DO?
OP says that she even offered to foot some of her roommate’s share of the power bill if she was really that concerned about it. But then her roommate said that she would turn it off because the apartment was getting too cold. But OP says that their AC is set at 70 and has never been moved lower than that.
She told her roommate that she should just use some blankets or put a sweater on if it was really bothering her because the heat was unbearable.
WHAT DID HER ROOMMATE SAY?
Her roommate then countered by saying that because she’s in recovery from anorexia, she’s really sensitive to colds and that OP is not prioritizing her needs.
WHAT WAS OP’S ANSWER?
OP then responded by saying, “I’m sympathetic to your situation, but that is your problem and not mine, and it is starting to have a negative impact on me, and we need to find some middle ground here because I can’t take off my skin when it gets too hot.”
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
Her roommate then got extremely upset and angry and told her that she was being ableist and insensitive.
OP says that she was bothered by this because she also had struggles with eating disorders in the past.
She asks if she is a jerk.
BLANKETS ARE GOOD TO START
“Not a jerk. Coping mechanisms are an important part of recovery.
Not “everyone else must accommodate me and be uncomfortable because my comfort is all that matters due to my situation.”
That, actually, is kinda the OPPOSITE of recovery.
Blankets are a good start.”
IT IS A REASONABLE TEMPERATURE
“Not a jerk.
70° is a reasonable temperature, and she owns a hoodie.”
YOU NEED TO RELOCATE
“Not a jerk.
You should not have to compromise your health to accommodate her.
I would start looking for alternative accommodation. She won’t compromise, and you probably need to relocate to somewhere you can be comfortable.”
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