On important occasions and special moments, many of us have a feeling like Monica from ‘Friends.’ We really don’t like it when someone else tries to grab all the attention, no matter who they are.

A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for wearing my wedding ring to my sister’s wedding against her wishes and “hijacking” her night? 

Here’s the full story for you to decide: 


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OP’s sister (29F) got married last Saturday. The ceremony was beautiful and OP enjoyed himself as much as someone who is famously not a wedding guy could. The dramatics were not quite as enjoyable.

OP (27M) hadn’t seen his family in a few months, and they’ve only had a handful of phone calls over those months. It’s never on purpose that he pulls one of these disappearing acts, it’s mostly out of habit. 

A Bit About OP

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OP has been fiercely independent for most of his life, and he gets quickly caught up in whatever he’s doing at the time, which makes it hard for him to remember to keep those not in his direct line of sight in the loop. OP’s mother is the same way.

What Does OP Say

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OP says, “It’s also nice visiting around times when big events like this are going on as my mom is prone to hovering whenever I’m home, and this takes some of the spotlights off me.”

Where Has OP Been Until Recently?

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OP had been in Ireland for around 8 months prior to flying in last Thursday. He was originally there to spend two weeks with his best friend who, thanks to the aforementioned one-track-mindedness OP possesses, he had unfortunately grown apart from within recent years. 

Theirs was a friendship that had started when they were 14 and was one of the most important relationships in OP’s life for over a decade, and OP wanted to put more effort into it so he didn’t lose it. 

OP’s Stay Turned Into WHATTT?

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OP’s friend was spending time overseas to reconnect with his heritage since his father’s passing. OP was already traveling, and his stay turned out to be a lot longer than two weeks.

OP says, “It also turned into us getting married. Funny how life works out. About two weeks before our trip to the States for my sister’s wedding, I sent out a mass email to close family letting them know that me and my husband were married. I wanted to assuage any possibility of us ‘stealing any thunder’ right from the get-go.”

The Family Drama Begins

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OP’s mom replied that she was hurt that she wasn’t told sooner or allowed to be there, which OP understood. It seemed her mood flipped by the time they met in person, however.

The rehearsal dinner was on Friday, and that was where they all met up for the first time. OP’s mom was overjoyed to see him and his partner and spent a large part of the night telling stories about how she had always predicted there was something different about his friendship with him compared to others OP was close with in high school.

It was a very sweet moment. But at the end of the night, OP’s sister pulled him aside and asked if they would not wear their wedding rings to her ceremony.

OP’s Sister’s Concerns 

portrait of the bride crying, sadness, streaks mascara wipes. Natural light
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OP was confused, so he asked why. 

OP says, “She said I was taking the attention off her and she was already bitter that I ‘hijacked’ her rehearsal dinner. More families might take notice if I wore my ring tomorrow and caused a similar incident. I refused. As I mentioned before, the ceremony was beautiful but she didn’t speak to me for the rest of the weekend and we ended up leaving the reception early. Am I a jerk?”

You Both Are At Fault 

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“At that point wearing your rings or not wouldn’t have made a difference, everyone already knew you were married, maybe it would’ve been worse because people would wonder and ask why you were not wearing rings.

Your sister, though, is not completely at fault either. She must’ve been pretty hurt that her rehearsal dinner was all about you getting married. You should’ve thought that sending an email wouldn’t stop any conversation about your surprise wedding right before your sister’s… I understand you’re a carefree guy, but maybe you could’ve found a better way/time to let everyone know about your neo-marriage.”

You Ruined Your Sister’s Big Day!

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“You were married for three months and you chose to announce your marriage just two weeks before your sister’s wedding. Then her rehearsal dinner became you and your spouse’s debut not only as a couple but as a married couple. I don’t think people’s lives should be on hold but I do think that when it comes to milestone events like a wedding, the guests of honor should have the entire spotlight to themselves and people shouldn’t take away from that.

You had to know that handling things this way was going to take attention away from your sister’s big day.”

Your Behavior Is A Bigger Problem Than The Ring Request 

Wedding decoration
Image Credit; Deposit Photos

“Normally asking someone not to wear their wedding ring would be a crazy request, but I actually get where your sister is coming from.

You seem remarkably self-centred and thoughtless of the impact of your actions and behaviour on others. How can you not think that running off to Ireland, getting married to someone you haven’t seen for 14 years and then telling everyone 2 weeks beforehand (despite being married for 4 months!) wouldn’t steal her thunder? Of course, they are all going to be more interested in you because what you did was insane and so people will be wanting to talk about that. I think you know it would and that’s why you waited. 

The ring request wasn’t really the big problem but your overall behavior is.”

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