An internet user asked, Am I a jerk for calling my husband embarrassing for not wearing a suit to my brother’s wedding? We need to know your opinion on the matter. 


wedding lavish
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The Original Poster (OP) [31F] has been married to her husband [40m] for 1.5 years, together for 3.

One thing about him is he hates wearing suits, will not wear a tie, will rarely wear a button-up shirt and if so it will not be tucked in. He says it makes him uncomfortable. 

OP’s Husband Attire In His Own Wedding 

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For their wedding, OP’s husband did wear a very nice suit but no tie (OP tried but he refused and obviously it wasn’t going to be OP’s hill to die on as this was the person she wanted to marry most importantly). He looked really good on the day. 

The Contrast Between OP And Her Husband’s Dressing Sense

Conflict between the man and the woman
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They have been to another dozen weddings together and whilst they don’t usually specify dress codes, in their culture they do tend to dress up for weddings. So, usually, OP is very formal and her husband will wear a button-up shirt not tucked in and chinos. Sometimes, a casual blazer. He is always the most underdressed person but he doesn’t care as long as he is comfortable. 

What Does OP Say

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OP says, “Of course, this bothers me but I don’t say anything for these occasions. Sometimes, I suggest wearing darker colors to dress up the outfit more but that’s as far as I go.” 

Up Next: OP’s Brother’s Wedding 

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However, OP’s brother’s wedding is coming up and her husband is insisting on wearing the same wedding guest outfit he usually wears. This is upsetting OP as although there will be no bridal party, as he is part of the family, he will have an important role in the wedding. 

He Will Dress Casually

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He will just stand out being dressed so casually, especially for family photos and it upsets OP that he doesn’t want to make an effort for her brother’s wedding.

He still has his wedding suit and won’t even wear the suit pants and definitely won’t tuck his shirt in and wear a belt even with chinos.   

The Final Fuss

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OP cracked and told him she will be embarrassed to stand next to him on the day and now he is upset and called OP controlling. 

What Does She Say

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OP says, “I don’t think I’m being unreasonable because I have dropped this for all other weddings and I accept he won’t wear a suit but think he should compromise by dressing up a little bit more (shirt tucked in, belt etc). Am I a jerk??”

He Doesn’t Care To Make Sure He Won’t Embarrass You

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“Not the jerk. And I’m not sure why you are with a guy who:

1) Doesn’t care about you enough to make sure you don’t feel embarrassed in public

2) Is extremely childish. Everyone feels uncomfortable in a suit. But we wear them to look good because it’s the polite thing to do in certain situations. He’s the only one who refuses to grow up and look past his own comfort.

I am sure you have a list of positives about him. But my #1 alone is a major red flag. He doesn’t care to make sure he won’t embarrass you.” 

There Will Likely Be Little Boys There In Suits

Young man with a problem crying
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“Not the jerk. Goodness. There will be little children there in button-downs with their shirts tucked in. There will likely be little boys there in suits. How embarrassing that a grown man can’t tuck his shirt in and put on a belt for a few hours when he knows he will be in the wedding photos with you.”

Leave Him Home If That’s What He Wants 

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“Leave him home if he wants to look inappropriate? Is he childish about a lot of things? Are you planning to have children because he seems very immature?”

He’s Breaching The Social Contract 

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“Part of the social contract is we occasionally do things we might not otherwise do because we love and respect others. This is one night and you aren’t even asking for a full suit, small children can be taught to tuck in their shirts, so can he!”

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