In the aftermath of a tragic event, decisions surrounding financial matters can be emotionally charged and complex.

A user asked, Am I wrong for not sharing my late son’s life insurance with his girlfriend?


The Original Poster’s (OP) son, Eric, died in an accident in October of last year. He was 33. He wasn’t married, but he lived with his girlfriend (Emily), whom he date for two years; she just turned 30.

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How Was Their Relationship?

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They purchased their home together in June of last year. The house was $525k, and they put down $225k. They each paid half of the down payment and had been splitting the mortgage equally (as well as the rest of their bills). She makes about $80k per year after taxes. The house mortgage is $1775 per month.

What Happened Next?

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OP says, “My son has a life insurance policy that paid out $750k.

About 6 months before he passed, my son mentioned that he was “thinking about proposing,” but it would be a few years before we actually married; in a later conversation, he mentioned plans to update his life insurance because he wouldn’t want to leave a wife with nothing. That’s all that was ever said about it – obviously, he passed before he ever decided to propose. This means the entire life insurance went to me and my wife.”

What Does OP Think?

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OP’s wife and OP are both in their late 50’s. They usually do okay financially, but losing their son has completely shaken their worlds. They have been taking some time off of work to process and grieve.

OP says, “This money will allow us to pay off the rest of our mortgage, take the stress off of our lives while we grieve, and hopefully retire a couple of years earlier than we intended (we both have medical struggles, so this is a big deal).”

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What Did The Other Son Tell Them?

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Their other son, Mike, came over for dinner yesterday, and they mentioned that they received his life insurance payout. He went quiet for a minute and asked how much they were going to give Emily.

OP and his wife explained that they have good intentions to use the money to make their lives easier going forward, and this is why their son left it to them to help out should anything tragic happen.

Mike said he understood that they were grieving, but they were selfish and narcissistic for not considering how tough this was for Emily and not even helping her by giving her enough to pay off his share of the house (if not the whole mortgage. He said they’re kidding themselves if they think Eric would have wanted this).

What Does OP Think?

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OP says, “I’ve tried to keep emotions out of it and stick to the facts. All of us – my wife, son, rest of the family, and Emily – are absolutely devastated by Eric’s passing. I don’t want people to think I’m heartless. My late son left his life insurance to my wife and me and I’m not sure if we’re being jerks by not letting his girlfriend have some of it to help with expenses.”

What Else Did He Add?

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OP also goes on to add a clarification saying that “the house they bought was expensive, but they paid more for the view (stupid house on a gorgeous river) than the property. My son rented it for 3-4 years before it was put up for sale, and after 1.5 years of memories in it together, they couldn’t walk when it went up for sale. The house is outdated and far from a dream home for either of them. They had plans to build a new one when they eventually paid off the mortgage and planned to make do in the meantime.”

What Others Think of This

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“You are a jerk and big time. Poor Eric will be turning in his grave as what you are doing is materializing on your son’s death when the lady who trusted your son is left with so much debt, which she has to deal with along with all the other things. I know of heartless people, but this is on a whole different level. Anything else I say would pretty much break all rules of this group.”

Read: He Inherited His Brother’s Insurance & 401K. Refused To Share It With Brother’s Widow and Kids. Thinks He Is Right.

Your Son Wanted It To Go To His Girlfriend

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“You are a jerk. Your son told you what he wanted and that he wanted to update his life insurance policy SPECIFICALLY, and this was a thing that was happening. You’re justifying it by the fact he hadn’t gotten around to doing it. You lost your son, but Emily lost her life partner. This is gross behavior, and your son would be ashamed of you. Your other son is, and that should also speak volumes.”

You’re Basing This On The Technicality

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“They’re reaaaaallllllly falling back on the technicality of, “he said he wanted to update it because he didn’t want to leave a wife with nothing, and technically even though he said he wanted to propose and marry her he hadn’t done it yet.” Agreed with everything you said.”

Life Insurance Is For Financially Dependant

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“Life insurance isn’t so people who don’t depend on you financially can live a life of ease. It is to lessen the financial burden on those who do. If they had gotten married, OP would probably be going on about how they didn’t have kids to support. You are a jerk.”

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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