Imagine having your boyfriend’s ex-wife always hovering over you at all family events!
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to have dinner with my boyfriend’s parents if his ex-wife is going to be there?”. What’s your take on the matter?
The Original Poster (OP) (F28) got together with her boyfriend (M28) about three years ago.
“When we met, he had just gotten divorced, and we officially started dating a year later,” says OP.
BOYFRIEND’S EX RESENTS OP
Her (OP’s) boyfriend’s ex-wife doesn’t like OP. She made it clear from day one, and OP is not blaming her.
“I mean, I never got divorced (or married, for that matter). So I don’t know the appropriate time to date after a divorce,” says OP.
THE ISSUE RIGHT NOW
OP’s boyfriend’s parents are still very fond of his ex-wife and often invite her for dinner. That means that OP and her boyfriend often have to see her when they visit his parents.
“The issue is that she makes it obvious she doesn’t like me and always throws little digs at me,” says OP.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
She (OP) told her boyfriend, and he talked with his ex-wife. She promised she’d try to be more civil, and she is more civil, but OP can always feel her looking distastefully at her, so she’s often uncomfortable.
FAST FORWARD TO LAST FRIDAY
OP’s boyfriend’s parents invited OP and her boyfriend for dinner last Friday, but his ex-wife was going to be there too, so OP told them that even though she liked them, she wouldn’t be there if her boyfriend’s ex was because she was uncomfortable.
“They weren’t happy. They called me petty and manipulative, said his ex-wife was always going to be a part of their life, and they felt like I was trying to get rid of her,” says OP.
THE DRAMA AHEAD
It wasn’t OP’s intention, she has tried to explain, but they didn’t care. OP’s boyfriend tried to talk to his parents, but they didn’t care either. OP’s boyfriend still went (OP told him to), and they said they won’t invite OP anymore since OP doesn’t appreciate the invite.
DID OP OVERREACT?
“I’m so confused because it’s not the outcome I thought it’d be. I thought my boyfriend’s parents would understand and invite us when his ex-wife wasn’t there.
So now I’m wondering if I may have overreacted and should accept that if I want a good relationship with his parents, I also have to accept his ex-wife”, says OP.
Is OP a jerk?
THEY’VE MADE IT CLEAR
“Not the jerk. The parents have clarified that this family has no space for you. Is this how you want your relationship to continue? You home alone, maybe with a child at some point, while your current boyfriend is hanging out with his parents and ex.”
THIS IS YOUR FUTURE
“Not the jerk. This is your future if you stay with your boyfriend. You really shouldn’t encourage him to go, though. He’s a grown-up and should make a stand and stick by you. It may encourage his stupid parents to reconsider inviting the ex over you.”
THEY’RE ALL HUGE JERKS
“Run away from this family. They have no intention of making you feel welcome. I’d partly understand if they have kids together, but even then, inviting her to dinner when you are uncomfortable and she’s making comments is not acceptable. Your boyfriend is also a jerk for not standing up for you. Their priority is clear, and it’s not you.”
THAT’S A WEIRD SETUP
“Not the jerk. That’s a weird setup, and I wouldn’t like it either. It’s one thing for your boyfriend’s parents to stay in contact with her, but trying to force you all to socialize seems like a ploy to make you uncomfortable/get them back together.
If your boyfriend had a backbone, he’d refuse any invites she was at, or you weren’t invited to. They sound very manipulative.”
BOYFRIEND NEEDS TO STEP UP
“The boyfriend will need to set the boundaries here. He can make it clear to his parents that if you are not welcome, then he (and any future grandchildren) are not welcome.
He also can establish that he and you will not visit when she is there. It is their choice if they want to continue their friendship with this woman, but not their choice to force it upon your boyfriend or you.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.