Being snarky about someone’s way of eating food on their birthday is not just crazy. It’s ridiculous! Especially when the person is not used to a particular culture’s eating norms.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my SIL to butt off and let me eat food the way I want?”. We need to hear your thoughts.
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster (OP) (36F) is a white girl married into a Japanese family. Her husband’s family has never really accepted her because she is white, but they’re not that bad most of the time.
“Usually, they are just cold, but my Sister-In-Law (SIL) is very hostile, especially when it comes to food.”, says OP.
THE FOOD ABUSE
OP doesn’t like sushi, and her SIL always tries to get her to eat it and has yelled at her for things like using too much soy sauce, eating her dumpling whole and not dipping it in sauce first, mixing wasabi with her soy sauce, drinking sake with rice, etc.
WHAT HAPPENED AT OP’S BIRTHDAY?
Recently, they went out for dinner with them for OP’s birthday. OP is okay with chopsticks, but she still struggles with them sometimes. OP was trying to pick up a piece of meat, and she just used one of the chopsticks to stab the meat and eat it.
SIL immediately started yelling at OP, saying she was disrespectful. OP told her she would eat her food however she liked and asked her to mind her business.
“She always does this, and I have had enough. People can eat however they like. I am sick of her picking at my food habits.”, says OP.
THINGS GOT UGLY
Her SIL said OP was being disrespectful to her culture. OP told her how she chose to eat food is her choice and she must mind her own business. Things got ugly, and OP left. OP’s husband stayed with them.
THE HYPOCRISY CONTINUES
She has been married to her husband for five years and has been dating for 7; she has learned his language and speaks Japanese with his family.
His family has had none of that same respect for OP; to this day, none of his family has ever tried Egyptian food or tried to learn the language. OP has been expected to learn it even though they speak perfect English.
“We live in Europe, yet I am always expected to conform to his culture. Am I a jerk?” asks OP.
SOME MORE INFORMATION
OP later edited the post and added the following information:
“Every time I ask for a fork, his family gets offended, so I can’t ask for one. 99% of the time, I do okay with chopsticks. This piece was just tiny and slippery. I used the bottom chopstick to poke it a little for extra grip, then used the other one.”
YOU HAVE MUCH BIGGER ISSUES
“Not the jerk. Ma’am, your husband chose his family over you on your birthday. You have much bigger issues than his sister not respecting you. He doesn’t even respect you.”
BY NOW IT SHOULD BE CLEAR
“Not the jerk. It should be obvious that his family will never accept or treat you as they should. That’s very sad, but it’s not going to change, and if your husband allows them to behave that way towards his wife, you have a marriage problem.”
IT’S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS
“Not the jerk. It’s no one’s business how you use utensils as long as you’re not being disgusting. I wouldn’t feel disrespected if someone was using a fork for soup. I would think they’re crazy, but I wouldn’t yell.”
A TYPICAL TOXIC FAMILY
“Not the jerk. I am Japanese, but you live in Europe, and that doesn’t make sense to me.
There is no need to learn Japanese when you are not in Japan. Likewise, there is no need to learn Japanese manners.
Why don’t you ask your husband if he would instead take his wife or his family, and if he disagrees, consider divorce? That is a typical toxic family.”
THEY SOUND ENTITLED AND DISRESPECTFUL
“Not the jerk, and SIL sounds like she’s looking for any reason to scrutinize you simply because you are not Japanese. You learned an entirely new language for them, and they can’t be bothered to even try things from your culture? They sound entitled and disrespectful.”
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
“Why did you go to a Japanese restaurant for your birthday? You have much bigger relationship issues to work on, clearly, but in the meantime, stop eating Japanese food with them. You live in Europe! Go to any other kind of restaurant.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.