Cooking family dinner is a great way to connect with your loved ones and enjoy a delicious meal together. It can also be a fun and rewarding experience, especially if you get everyone involved. A user asked the forum, Am I a jerk for begging my girlfriend to uphold a tradition just so she can make a good first impression?
The original poster has a big family that’s incredibly close. They have big family dinners every few months, where they all meet at their great-grandfather’s estate and eat together.
IT IS WRONG; HE REALISES IT
Typically how this works is that the women cook for the time they’re there, and the men don’t. He was fully aware it was wrong as hell.
HE WAS THE YOUNGEST
OP was one of the youngest people in the family, and his protests meant nothing.
ISSUE WILL ARISE IF HER GIRLFRIEND DOES NOT COOK
He says that some of those women choose not to cook, and that was usually met with a level of ostracizing. He says that the women who don’t cook live as long-term girlfriends.
So they kinda already have a good family relationship doctored in.
IT IS GONNA BE BAD
He says that when he has seen new partners not cook, it’s gone bad. Like completely ostracized, not speaking, cattiness, rudeness, etc.
OP says that dinner will be in two weeks, and his girlfriend was asked if she would attend.
HE INITIALLY AGREED
He says that initially, she agreed, which he thought was great.
He wanted her to meet everyone, and for everyone to get used to her being around, but when he explained to her the tradition, she was understandably bothered.
SHE SHOULD PLAY ALONG
He told her that he understood where she was coming from but told her that it would be best for everyone if she just played along.
OP told her that it wasn’t a permanent thing and that he was only asking her to do this to avoid bad treatment from the rest of the family.
IT IS HER FIRST IMPRESSION
He also told her that was her first impression, and he doesn’t think it’s best if they cause waves.
OP’s girlfriend told him that it was unacceptable and that if she had to do that, she would not be going.
SHE WAS ANGRY AT HIM
He had tried to find a compromise with her on that, but she won’t budge, and she’s angry at him.
She told him that if he thinks it’s acceptable to make her do this, he was just as bad as everyone else, but OP says that his point was that she needs to make a good first impression.
IT IS NOT FAIR
“Why won’t my gf abandon her sense of self-respect so that she can establish herself as a subservient woman tool so that my family won’t mentally and verbally abuse her?! She just doesn’t get it!!”
WHY CAN’T MEN COOK?
“OP could even just actively socialize with the women who choose not to cook. Ignore the lazy men.
Hell, have a party with just the women (and not ah men) where everyone cooks. Why should the men even get the meal if they don’t help?”
IT IS A TOXIC FAMILY
“I think maybe the worst part is how they treat the women who don’t participate in this. This is a seriously toxic family system, and I think OP’s girlfriend should just stay away.”
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