Choosing your wedding party is one of the most exciting parts of planning a wedding. It’s a chance to surround yourself with the people you love and trust the most.
An internet user asked, Am I a jerk for refusing to let my bridesmaid wear her dead mother’s favorite color to my wedding? Tell us what you think in the comments section!
OP (31F) was married to her husband (34M) on Friday. The wedding went smoothly, apart from one guest’s dress preference, who she’ll call Anna.
Anna’s Irreparable Loss
Anna’s mother sadly passed away in January this year. Her mother was the light of her life and ever since she passed, Anna has been understandably uptight and distant. OP had helped Anna throughout her entire grieving time.
The Ocean-Themed Wedding
They had been planning this wedding since December and decided they wanted an ocean-themed wedding.
OP and her family grew up on the seaside and have always been close to the ocean. OP made it extremely clear to all of her bridesmaids that they were to wear blue, a coral pinky color, or pastel green. Everyone agreed and seemed to love OP’s choices.
Anna’s Weird Request
Anna’s mother always loved the color dark, vibrant purple. Ever since then, Anna would buy everything purple if there was a purple choice.
Anna and OP went for lunch a few weeks after the passing to catch up and support her. At lunch, Anna asked OP if she could please wear a purple dress to her wedding.
OP is NOT Crazy About Themes
OP is not crazy about themes usually, but since this wedding was themed to support her family’s tradition and considering her maid of honor was already going to be wearing a GORGEOUS pastel blue dress with purple and gold accents, OP and her husband (who she decided to call and discuss the idea with him) politely told her that they understand what she’s going through, but they really want bridesmaids on the theme.
To this, she looked hurt and left lunch earlier than expected.
Four Weeks After The Lunch
OP hardly heard from Anna until around 4 weeks after their lunch, despite her attempts at texting, phoning, and even knocking on her door, but she’d continue to shut OP off. That was until she texted OP “What do you think of these dresses?” And displayed many different purple dresses in photos.
OP Reminded Anna
OP kindly reminded Anna that she wouldn’t be wearing a purple dress to her wedding. Anna was enraged. OP tried to tell her that she understands her feelings but her wedding is her own special day. To this, she blocked OP.
Anna unblocked OP 2 days later, apologizing for the way she acted.
When The Wedding Rolled Around
Well, when the wedding rolled around, Anna showed up in a purple dress. OP asked her why she had gone against her wishes and that she either had to change or leave. To this, she told OP to stop creating a scene and that OP was being dramatic and disrespectful. Anna broke out in a screaming match and called OP and her family “Insensitive, selfish jerks.” She was escorted out the door screaming.
Once the wedding had ended, OP received messages from Anna’s family, friends, and even Anna. They were all saying how Anna was going through a lot and that OP was being a jerk.
“So, Am I a jerk for not just letting Anna wear the damned purple dress?” Asks OP.
She Could’ve Stepped Down As Bridesmaid
“Not the jerk. If she’s grieving so deeply that she really needed to wear that color, she should have offered to step down as bridesmaid. As a guest, she could wear the purplest purple that ever purpled without an issue.”
She Needs To Work On Her Issues
“Not the jerk. She could’ve respected your wish but instead did the opposite. Blocking people because you got into an argument with them is also very childish. She’s got some issues she really needs to work on.”
Anna Needs Mental Help
“Anna could wear her mother’s favorite color *every day* to remember her by. She could wear it to the grocery store, to get her oil changed. She could wear it to your rehearsal dinner, and to other wedding activities.
But, she can just not wear it *to the wedding*. It’s not like you hadn’t discussed it *months* in advance.
She needs mental help. After the screaming Anna was escorted out, I hope some of Anna’s family and friends are *actually* doing something to help her, besides calling *you* a jerk. You ain’t the jerk.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.