It’s frustrating to be kind to someone who is important to your partner, only to be accused of something you didn’t do and have your feelings dismissed.
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for refusing to help my wife and her friend anymore over what my wife calls a miscommunication?”. Read on to know what exactly happened.
Fake names. The Original Poster’s (OP’s) wife, Emily, has a longtime friend, Leslie, who has recently become a single mother.
Leslie does not have a working vehicle at the moment and is working two jobs so Emily took it upon herself to help Leslie out as much as she can.
Emily had started asking OP to help as well in driving Leslie and her kids around, taking them to school/appointments, taking Leslie to the grocery store, etc, whenever Emily or someone else couldn’t.
What Does OP Say?
OP says, “I agreed since it made my wife happy, and I understand Leslie is situation. Helping has turned into Emily inviting Leslie and her kids over often, or organizing trips that they would like, such as camping or fishing.
Left Him To Entertain
A few times my wife was unable to attend these get-togethers she organized due to work and insisted they still take place, leaving me to entertain Leslie and her kids on my own.
Since I’ve known Leslie my entire relationship with my wife, I didn’t think too much about this. The times that it has been me left with her or sent in Emily’s stead to shuttle Leslie around, I’ve made normal small talk with her and her kids.”
What Happened Recently?
Recently, Leslie’s kids were going to be away for a weekend so Emily wanted to have Leslie over for dinner and some movies. She asked OP to text Leslie to ask her over, and when I did, Leslie replied, “Just as friends, right? I’m not interested in being anyone’s girlfriend”.
OP thought that response was out of left field, so he asked her why she’d even say that and her response was pretty much “No guy would be asking her and her kids how they’re doing or helping them out unless he wanted something in return”.
What Did OP Do Then?
OP told Leslie it wasn’t anything like that and then showed his wife the conversation and informed her he would be stepping back from helping her with anything involving Leslie and to leave him out of any plans.
OP also offered to show her the rest of his phone and anything else. Emily believed him, but she still talked to Leslie about it to see what had given her that impression, and accordingly, she gave Emily the same answer.
What Happened A Few Days Later?
A few days later, Leslie apologized to Emily and told her that her emotions and mind were all over because of a down day.
OP says, “That’s fine, but I’m still not willing to help her or my wife out anymore as I had been because I don’t want any repeats or accusations hurled at me when I was helping as my wife asked. Emily thinks I’m overreacting and should just brush it off because it was just a ‘silly miscommunication’ she had on a bad day. Am I a jerk?”
Some Additional Info
OP later edited the post and added the following information:
“The text I sent Leslie about the night was “Emily wants to know if you’d like to come over for dinner and some movies on Saturday.” That’s why her response was so out of the left field. I sent the text because Emily was busy on her phone and wanted to know asap so we could make our weekend plans.”
Don’t Let There Be A Next Time, OP
“Not the jerk. Cringe friend. Could have gone a lot worse. Do not help her unless your wife is around.” Said one.
“It will go worse the next time if you let there be a next time OP. Misery loves company and Leslie sure sounds like she wants some company.” Another added.
The Accusation Was NOT A Small One
“I noticed she didn’t apologize to you. She accused you of trying to cheat on your wife; that is no small thing to overlook.” Said one.
“And the wife is trying to sweep this off as a “miscommunication”? OP you need to sit your wife down and tell your POV clearly and how her (your wife’s) dismissal about the accusations hurt you and your feelings invalidated.” Another added.
Your Wife Shouldn’t Have Thrown You Under The Bus
“To be fair, your wife shouldn’t have put you in those positions, to begin with. Her friend saying what she did, makes me concerned that *she* was developing feelings for *you,* which would be completely understandable as she’s in a vulnerable place and you were stepping up to help her.
If it was me, I’d steer clear and let them do their own thing.”
Looks Like She’s Doing It On Purpose
“It sounds like Leslie is trying to cause problems in your marriage so that your wife ends up single. It’s probably hard for her to see her friend with a helpful, loving husband like yourself while she doesn’t.
Be careful around her OP and I would suggest you tell your wife the same. Record any interaction with Leslie so she can’t be claiming anything in the future.”
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