A netizen recently asked, “Am I (25M) a jerk for asking my girlfriend (29F) to make my plate of food differently than she was serving to others?” Read on to know what happened exactly.
Backstory:
The Original Poster (OP) recently became official with the lady he’s been dating for 6 months. They decided to have the first BBQ of the nice summer weather in their area at her place (they don’t live together currently).
She decided to make steaks and baked potatoes, and OP made some side salads, and he also was responsible for the drinks and chips.
What Happened When OP’s Girlfriend Got Cooking?
As OP’s girlfriend got cooking, it just panned out that she ended up plating and serving to people as her steaks finished resting. When OP went over to watch her plating, he noticed she had put butter and herbs and stuff all over the steaks.
OP’s family doesn’t do this and he’s never seen it done this way so he asked her (politely) if she would put OP’s aside and he would do his fixings (OP just wanted his steak with ketchup, he’s pretty plain).
Both she, her sister, and her dad gave OP very pointed looks.
What Happened Later That Evening?
Later that evening, OP’s girlfriend said she felt that it was rude to the “chef” (her, in this instance) to ask for his food separately and that she wished he would have just trusted her to make him a nice plate of food, and that OP shouldn’t do that when he’s a guest anywhere.
What Does OP Say?
OP says, “I fairly commonly politely ask for my food to be made differently/more plain when I’m a guest somewhere or at a restaurant because I generally prefer plain food.
I didn’t think this was rude. Am I a jerk for asking for my own food to be served differently outside my own home?”
Try Expanding Your Palate, Maybe?
“I’m not gonna say you’re the jerk, but you’re dangerously hovering. She was literally just flavoring the meat, and it wouldn’t have hurt at all to try it. It could have been leaps and bounds better than putting ketchup on it.”
“Not the jerk, but you should have tried it. Please, as an adult 25-year-old man, expand your palate. I promise things to taste better with seasoning and not just ketchup. Please.”
It’s Not A Big Deal
“Not the jerk. If she were making burgers on the grill, would she also be offended if you asked for yours without cheese?
Assuming you asked her nicely, it’s really not a remotely big deal at all.”
Your GF Is Overreacting
“Not the jerk. Of course, you’re not the jerk. Your GF is highly defensive and overreacting. As were her relatives, giving “pointed looks.” They were the ones being rude!
It’s not at all unusual to ask for a meal to be prepared somewhat differently, such as at a restaurant, and this was a pretty mild ask; just to not add something.
Ask yourself; is your GF, and her family, going to be this judgmental about everything you do differently from them?”
It Shouldn’t Be A Problem
“Not the jerk. Your preference is for ketchup, neither a virtue nor a vice.
Since you know how you like your food already, and aren’t asking for any extra effort, I don’t see what offense could be taken here.
Maybe they looked askance at your preferred topping? Some folks can get mighty judgy about that stuff. I wouldn’t find it a big deal at all.”
You Probably Missed An Opportunity
“Not the jerk, but herbs/compound butter is a pretty common way of treating steaks.
You weren’t in the wrong here and your gf handled herself poorly… but this could have been an opportunity to branch out a little. Worst case, it’s one meal that you didn’t love.”
That’s Not What Hosts Do
“That’s a very odd reaction to a polite request. As a host, the right response is to say “Of course!” because the host’s job is to make guests feel comfortable within reason. Your request in turn was perfectly reasonable.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.