A user asked, Am I wrong for not being honest with my fiancé about how much money I’m making?

They’re Living Together

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The Original Poster’s (OP) boyfriend and OP have been living together for two years. They recently moved out of our modest apartment and into a 3-bedroom house.


They Bought A Washer and Dryer

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Since the house didn’t have a washer or dryer, they opened a line of credit for a new set. Their monthly expenses increased by about $700.


The Boyfriend Proposed

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After the move, OP’s boyfriend proposed. It was a total surprise, and she was thrilled.


They Opened A Joint Account

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They opened a joint checking account and have made a new budget to pay off the washer and dryer quickly, so they could focus on planning our wedding.


What Do They Make?

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On a normal month, OP makes about $600 less than her fiancé, and that’s what the new budget is planned around. However, on OP’s last couple of paychecks, she has been able to put in overtime and has made an extra $900 this month.


What Did She Do?

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OP has the extra money set up to deposit into a separate account. OP says, “My fiancé knows about the separate account, but I only told him about my first check for overtime, which was $325. He doesn’t know about the other check. I’ve also donated plasma this month, and that money is on its account.”


What Happened Next?

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OP’s fiancé has been worried about money since they’re trying to pay off the washer and dryer quickly, and there’s the wedding to plan.

There have been things for the house they’ve also needed to buy. OP purchased a weed eater with some of her overtime checks.

OP was afraid to tell him how much she spent, so she lied and told him it cost about half of what it did. She also told him she used the money from my plasma donation when she used the money from her second overtime check.


OP Wants To Know If She Is Wrong

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OP is asking if she is a jerk for keeping the amount of money she is making a secret and not being forthcoming about the price of the appliance.


What Others Think

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“On the face of it, yes, you are wrong. The two of you have made the decision to pool your money. When a couple does, it’s reasonable to expect full disclosure on spending and earning.

From my point of view, you are incredibly dishonest. I also think hard about getting married. Either you are very immature, or he is very controlling. That’s not a healthy dynamic, so you must take a long walk at why you lied to him. You need to get away from him if he’s super controlling about money. If you are very immature about money you need to grow up.”


What Redditors Think

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“Agreed, I find it hard to decide if OP is a jerk without more context. Did she forget to tell him initially, and it snowballed, or is there another reason? OP must think clearly about her reasoning and whether marriage is the best way forward.

It seems like she didn’t tell him because he would insist they pay off the debt for the washer and dryer as it’s probably accumulating interest rather than buying the weed eater.
As others have said, the fact they can’t communicate and come up with a solution together (buy a used weed eater and use the rest to pay a bigger chunk of the washer debt), is a very bad sign for the marriage and problems that might come up in the future.”

You Are Wrong

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“Look, saving and being frugal is excellent. But you’re admittedly hiding money from and lying to your fiance. That’s not a great way to kick off an engagement, much less a marriage.

You need to stop lying and start acting as if you plan on living your life as one unit with your fiance, not hiding things and lying to avoid hard conversations. Those conversations will only get harder later on, so if you can’t handle a little discomfort now, what do you think you’ll do when a real problem comes up a few years from now? You better grow up quickly, OP. You are a jerk.”


Don’t Hide

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“You are wrong for lying and hiding money. If you’re getting married, you need open communication about how you manage money and make decisions together. It’s fine to have your “own” money out of the budget but figure out as a team how to handle bonus funds and extra expenses.

As a general rule you should build up savings to cover 3-6 months of expenses before you start spending every bit of your paycheck.”


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