Why would anyone invite someone who mistreated them all through their life to their big day?
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for not inviting my mother’s husband to my wedding?”. Let us know what you think in the comments section!
The Original Poster (OP) (22F) is planning a wedding so she and her husband can legally marry.
“We got religiously married a year ago, but we want a wedding to make it legal,” says OP.
THE ABUSIVE STEPDAD
Her (OP’s) mother’s husband, whom OP shall call “David,” was very abusive to OP growing up. He abused OP mentally, verbally, emotionally, and physically.
He excluded OP from family trips and events growing up. OP shared that one time, the family was going to an aquarium.
“I saw everyone packing their bags and thought I was going. I was getting ready to pack my bags. My mother told me that I wasn’t going. I asked why. She said, ‘There’s not enough room in the car.,'” says OP.
DAVID DISLIKED OP
OP’s grandma said, “I overheard the conversation, and I’m sorry. David said that he didn’t like you and thought you were annoying. Don’t worry, I’ll take you skating, and we will have so much fun. We are also getting dinner.” OP’s heart was crushed.
Her (OP’s) mother’s husband went on to abuse OP from ages 13-15. He would constantly disrespect OP’s autism and bipolar disorder.
Her (OP’s) grandma was a sweet, kind lady. She passed away in 2022. When they were doing funeral arrangements, he said, “We should cremate her. Burying her was too much of a hassle. It would cost us less money.”
OP got angry and told him to shut up as it was against Grandma’s religion to bury her. He would purposefully provoke OP to make her react, and then she’d get in trouble.
OP and her husband got married when OP was pregnant with her daughter. She’s seven months old now. OP’s husband is loving and kind. He would defend OP against her family.
OP INFORMS MOM
They are getting everything set up. The wedding will be in December. OP made a Facebook group about the wedding. OP’s mother asked OP about invites and if she could invite her husband. OP refused because of how he treated OP, and she did not want him to ruin her wedding.
IS OP THE JERK?
“My mother went radio silent. Then, I had people from my mom’s side of the family bashing me and telling me I was being a bully for excluding him. Am I a jerk?” asks OP.
HOW IS THIS EVEN A QUESTION?
“How is this even a question? He should be in jail and far away from you and your wedding. If your mother let him treat you this way, she should also be so far away from you. Screw the ones bashing you, it’s your wedding, do whatever you want.”
PUT YOURSELF FIRST
“Do yourself a favor and cut your mum out as well. She is a terrible mother for letting her husband treat you like that. It might seem like only he was the ‘bad guy,’ but the fact that you were her blood and she let you be treated that way makes her behavior worse. Put yourself first. Cut her out. Not the jerk.”
GO NO CONTACT
“Not the jerk. There is no reason to have the abuser at your wedding or the person who went along with his abuse (your mother). There is no reason to have them in your family’s lives. Go no contact.”
YOU OWE THEM NOTHING
“Not the jerk. Disinvite your mother. They aren’t family if they didn’t do anything to mitigate the harm your mom and her husband did. You owe them nothing. Invest the money you will save for your new life.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO FEEL SAFE
“He hurt in a myriad of ways. You have the right to feel safe at your wedding. Cut him out of your wedding the way you have cut him out of your life. If your mother continues to complain, explain to her in extreme and graphic detail every moment of abuse, especially physical abuse.
If she still doesn’t get it, tell her to leave him home or don’t come. Again, you have the right to feel safe at your wedding, and having him there would make you feel unsafe.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.