An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for insisting that my boyfriend and I sleep in the same bed whilst staying with my parents?”. Here’s the full story for context:
The Original Poster OP (22F) is the eldest of 6 siblings who are 19, 15, 13, and 10-year-old twins.
The 19 yo is at university in another city some distance away. OP’s parents unexpectedly need to go to visit relatives abroad and have asked if she can look after the kids for a week.
OP’s Take On Her Parents’ Ask
According to OP, this is generally fine except for 1 day she’s attending a course in another city. OP will have to leave her parents’ house at around 6.40 am and won’t return until 7 or 8 pm.
Luckily OP’s BF, who she lives with, is off that day and is happy to help. When OP told her mother this, she was incredibly appreciative of it and OP thought nothing more about it.
Fast Forward To Today
Well fast forward to today, two days before they leave, and OP’s Mum asks if BF is ok about getting up so early to get out here (OP and her BF live in the city, parents are out in the suburbs about an hour by bus).
OP tells her that that’s ok, he’ll just come through the night before.
Mum Freaked Out
To say that OP’s mother freaked out is an understatement.
Mum: ‘And where exactly will he be sleeping?’
Me: ‘On the pullout, with me’
Mum: ‘Absolutely not! not under my roof!’
Some Background History Of Similar Situations
Now to be clear, when OP and her BF first started dating, on the couple of occasions they did visit her parents together, they did sleep in separate rooms.
However, OP’s parents always said that that was just because they didn’t know him and earlier this year, before they were living together, OP’s entire family rented an Airbnb for a wedding and there were zero issues about OP and her BF sharing.
Not only was it, not a big deal but OP’s mum specifically did the room arrangements and put them together herself, without any discussion from her so she was pretty blindsided by this reaction today.
The Ridiculous Expectations
OP checked the timetable and he’d need to get the bus just after 5 am to guarantee he’d be there before OP had to leave presumably OP’s mother was also expecting him to leave once she returned that night meaning he’d potentially be getting home around 10 pm.
That is a ridiculously long day IMHO and far too big an expectation for someone who is doing you a favor.
OP advised her mum as such and reminded her about the Airbnb and the fact that THEY ALREADY LIVE TOGETHER and she reiterated that ‘there will be none of that under her roof’.
More Reasons Why It Shouldn’t Be A Problem
For the record, the couch is in the living room which has no closable doors, just open archways to the hallway and dining room.
As such, there is ZERO chance that they’ll be doing anything ‘scandalous’ over those two nights. OP told her this but she still maintained that it’s ‘her house, so her rules’.
OP’s Final Stance
OP told her that she felt her terms were more than fair and that if she didn’t like them then should find someone else for the week and hung up.
OP says “She’s been texting calling me selfish and how this now means she’ll need to stay behind and that I hope I’m proud of myself. I made it clear that it really doesn’t mean that, there’s a pretty easy fix here”, says OP.
After all this, OP wants to know from the forum if she is a jerk for doing this.
All Of This Is Utterly Ridiculous!
” ‘My house, my rules’ isn’t a get out of jail free card for being a jerk. Mom in this instance is being a total jerk with her ridiculous rule.
Doubly so in light of OP being an adult and doing her the favor! It’s even more ridiculous when you factor in OP and BF living together.”
You Guys Live Together, Right?
“Not the jerk. You guys live together. I went through this with my family and I absolutely did not relent. She can choose what’s more important, and if that means you need to step back then that’s on her.”
That Sounds Really Unfair
“Your mother needs to learn to pick her battles. It really is unfair of her to expect your boyfriend to sleep it all the way to yours in the early hours, look after 4 kids for 13/14 hours and then hoof it all the way back into town. I appreciate the teenagers are probably rather self-sufficient but still.
I’m curious, is there an option for one of you to sleep on the futon and the other in your parent’s bedroom? It won’t affect my verdict but it might appease your parents’ concerns, even if you don’t intend to follow through.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.