A man refusing his girlfriend to use her savings is a complex issue that can have a significant impact on their relationship. It can be a sign of control, financial abuse, or simply a different understanding of how money should be managed in a relationship.

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for preferring an adult trip over one for kids?”. Here’s the full story for context. 


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The Original Poster’s (OP) (30M) GF “Tera” (29F) works in healthcare and makes about six figures a year. She has been saving a little bit of money from each paycheck since she started working at 15 for what she decided would be her “stupid money” – essentially money that she couldn’t spend on anything practical and had to be something fun.

The rule she set was she had to spend the money when she was 30. OP knows all this because she has brought it up pretty often over the 3 years they have been together.

Honestly, OP has been excited to see what she would do with all the money she has saved. 

What Happened Today?

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Today, she came over and told OP she had something exciting to tell him. She had decided what to do with her “stupid money”. The grand plan she had come up with was a Disney trip, which, initially, OP was like “Ok, whatever, her family lived near Disney World when she was growing up, I can understand her wanting to use some of the money for a few days there”.

Here’s The Catch

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But here’s the catch. She wasn’t talking about just going to Disney World. Her grand plan for spending the money she’s been saving for almost 15 years, was to do all the Disneylands in the world. Tokyo, California, Paris, and there’s one or two in China. 

The Conversation Ahead

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She asked OP what he thought, and OP had to be honest, so the conversation went something like this:

OP: “That sounds like a trip a 7-year-old would plan, do you seriously want to waste your money on that?”

GF: “What do you mean, it would be so fun!”

OP: “For a 7-year-old. You could spend part of your money on a trip to Disney World or whatever, but I would really rather be going somewhere that was for adults and actually had some kind of culture.”

GF: “Well, we wouldn’t just be going to the parks, we would spend a few days in each of the cities too.”

OP’s Point Of View

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OP then had to tell her how he thought that made no sense. Take Tokyo for example, she was planning on spending three days in the Disney park and four days in Tokyo proper. One of the greatest cities in the world, and she wanted to waste almost half her time in an overpriced theme park?

The Argument Followed 

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They argued back and forth for a while, and she ended up leaving. She called OP a few hours ago to tell him that if he didn’t want to go, she was going to take her sister as an HS graduation present, but that OP was being a jerk about the trip she had planned for them. 

OP feels like she may be the jerk for trying to take back on the trip, but he may be the jerk for being honest and telling her he thought her idea was kind of ridiculous for an adult

Now OP wants to know if he is a jerk to be doing this to her girlfriend.

That’s Not How You Say Those Things 

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“Don’t yuck someone else’s YUM. You could have politely declined and said that was too much Disney for you without insulting her taste or maturity level. Lots of people LOVE Disney well into adulthood and would have an awesome time on that trip. I hate the excuse of “just being honest” when you’re actually being a jerk. You’re the jerk.” 

You Declined An Awesome Offer

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“You’re the jerk. Of course. It’s her money and her trip. Your options were to be excited and go or stay home. Sounds like you were going on an amazing trip for FREE. Bad judgment.” 

Her Money, Her Rules 

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“This is the money that she has been saving for more than a decade (5x longer than she has been in a relationship with you) and you were a complete jerk and crapped all over her idea. There was NO reason to be so rude and dismissive. It is not ok to speak to your partner that way. You can be honest without being a complete jerk. 

You could have said ‘Wow, that sounds amazing. Thank you for including me. Those are some countries that I’ve always wanted to go to. Can we make sure to spend some time outside of Disney in each country?’  If I were her, I would drop you from the trip and my life.”

She Did The Right Thing 

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“Then you go somewhere ‘for adults’ and with ‘some kind of culture’, and let her have her fun. And no, she is NOT the jerk for taking back the trip after you so kindly told her it’s for a 7-year-old.” 

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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.

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