Just like bringing a baby into the world requires two people, childcare too, in most cases, requires the joint efforts of the same two people.

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting to help my significant other with our twins?”. Here’s the full story for your context.


Drunk husband fighting with his pregnant wife at home. Domestic violence concept
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The Original Poster (OP) and his wife have 4 kids together in total, their ages being 6, 4, 1, 1. For context, OP has always been vocal about not wanting more than 2 kids. Their firstborn is a boy and their second born is a girl, so OP was happy to have one of each.

“I am the sole breadwinner and daycare costs would not make it worth it for her to work as well.”, says OP.

What Did OP Tell His Wife After Their Second Child?

Husband having Argument Upset Pregnant Wife at Home
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After their second child, OP told his wife he was done and wanted to have a vasectomy. She was against that and wanted to have a third baby. They fought about this for months (OP didn’t want to get it done against her will).

Her reason for wanting another was that she always wanted a bigger family. OP’s reason against that was he felt she already had a hard time keeping up with daily tasks with only 2 kids.

What Does OP Say?

Leave me alone. Dismal pregnant woman turning from man and lamenting
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“I also spoke to her at length about how another child would be financially unsustainable since I have 2 jobs and am barely making ends meet (not to mention that I too am exhausted all the time).”, says OP.

The Twins Entered The Chat

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Anyway, before they could reach a conclusion, OP’s wife fell pregnant (she was on the pill and according to her, barely ever missed a day).

They now have a total of four beautiful children that OP loves, but he cannot bring himself to give her the extra help for the twins. They now are stressed and fight all the time.

Now What?

Omg wtf. Tired bored stressed young man covering face with palm. Bothered upset guy. Mistake job loss unemployment.
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OP sometimes wants to help her with the twins but it gets him so discouraged to see everything he warned her against come to pass.

“I know they are my children too, but it is not fair to get yourself in a situation when everyone is advising you against it…then ask for help when its all messed up.

Now when I come home from work, I help just as much as I used to with our first two children, nothing more, nothing less. Am I a jerk for refusing to help my wife with the twins?”, asks OP.

They Are Here Now And They NEED YOU!

asian indian businessman with eye glasses wondering gesture isolated on white background
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“You’re the jerk. The time to bail was when she refused to let you use a condom, not after the kids had already been born. They are here now, through no fault of their own, and they need you.”

Childcare Is Not Solely A Woman’s Responsibility

Image of confused and annoyed young woman shrugging, asking what is that, staring questioned and displeased at camera, standing against blue background.
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“You’re the jerk. Childcare is not a woman’s responsibility by default that a man can just ‘help’ with when he feels like it. Those are your twins too.”

You’ve Got To Deal With It Now

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“You’re the jerk. It happened. Deal with it.

It might be the youngest putting you in a awful care home when you are old. They might be oblivious to your disinterest now but won’t always be.”

It Takes Two To Make A Baby

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“You’re the jerk. It takes two to make a baby. You could have had the vasectomy whether she liked it or not. You could have refused to sleep with her if you didn’t trust her to take the pill reliably.

It’s always difficult when a couple disagrees on how many children to have as there isn’t really a way to compromise, but you could have dug your heels in as your reasons for stopping at two were good.”

Everyone’s In The Wrong

Face, confused and unsure black woman in studio, pensive and dont know gesture on blue background. Doubt, portrait and girl with decision, why or emoji on mockup, product placement or isolated.
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“Everyone’s in the wrong. Your wife is awful for wanting more kids despite the fact that you all are barely making ends meet and watching you work yourself to death.

You’re awful for taking the resentment you have for your wife out on the twins who didn’t ask to be here.

Just because your wife was against you getting a vasectomy doesn’t mean you still couldn’t have gotten one. Your body your choice. Y’all need to figure this out.”

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