An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for not wanting to “keep gifts in the family” that were presents for my daughter?”. We need to hear your thoughts. 



dad and daughter
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The Original Poster (OP) (M41) is a single dad to his daughter (14). Her mom couldn’t care less about their daughter so it’s always been OP and his daughter.


About 2 Years Ago 

childhood, social issue, sadness and people concept - beautiful sad girl and parents arguing at home
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Almost 2 years ago, OP’s daughter got diagnosed with cancer. At first, it was Leukemia but it eventually spread to her brain. Watching her go through this made OP realize how strong and tough his girl is. 


OP’s Tragic Loss

Young man with a problem crying
Image Credits: Marjan Apostolovic, Shutterstock

On the 9th, OP’s daughter unexpectedly got admitted to the hospital. Her birthday was the next day and she told OP she wanted to wait until she got home to open presents and celebrate her birthday.

So, OP and his daughter ended up eating cake and watching movies in her hospital room for her birthday. After that, her health declined pretty rapidly. A week later (the 17th), she passed away.


What About The Presents?

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OP had all her presents ready in the recliner she always sits in for when she came home. Well that never happened so they have been just sitting there.

The family had also brought over gifts for her mostly simple things they knew she would like: clothes, blankets, water bottles, etc. OP got her an Ipad as well as a few small things. 


What Happened This Morning?

Sad adult woman crying sitting on the sofa holding pillow in the living room at home
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This morning OP’s mom, dad, and sister came over to his house for the first time since his daughter passed. They were going to make a picture board and slide show for her funeral.

After they started working on both, OP’s sister noticed the presents and asked if his daughter ever opened them.

OP explained she wanted to wait until she got home to celebrate/open presents. And he hasn’t felt right moving them yet. 


OP’s Mom & Sister’s Take On The Presents 

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OP’s sister and mom said they should just give them to his sister’s twin daughters who are turning 13 in about 2 weeks. OP said he wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing his nieces are using gifts meant for his daughter.

And if he was to do anything with the gifts, he would donate the ones he can to the children’s hospital. OP’s mom and sister argued that it’s right to keep the gifts in the family rather than going to complete strangers and he’s just being a selfish jerk.

Is OP really being a jerk?


Your Family Is Being Incredibly Selfish

shocked wtf
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“Not the jerk. OP, I am so sorry for your loss. 

You are allowed to grieve in whichever way you want, and the second you said you weren’t comfortable with it, they should have listened to you.

I, a stranger on the internet, can completely understand the feeling and pain you may experience seeing your nieces play with things that were your daughters but that she never got the chance to even open. 

Your family is being incredibly selfish putting any kind of demand on her belongings within 4 days of her passing. I am biting my tongue and holding back language, but just know that a lot worse things could be said about them justly.”


Their Reaction Is Sickening 

wtf woman (1)
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“Not the jerk. Find a grief counselor or therapist to speak with. I know it’s hard, but it does help. Your mother and sister being that interested in your daughter’s things so soon after her death is just a bit sickening.” 


It’s Your Right As A Guardian 

wtf woman in red
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“First, I am SO sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain and then having to deal with this on top of it. SMH.

Once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient. As your daughter’s guardian, it’s your right to do with her things as you see fit.” 


Donating Is A Beautiful Gesture 

wtf woman (2)
Image Credits: Roman Samborskyi, Shutterstock

“This has got to be one of the saddest posts I’ve ever read. I’m sorry for your loss. I feel like donating them to the hospital where your daughter spent her final days is a beautiful gesture.

Maybe even asking if you could “donate” a toy box as well and have a small marker put on it in memory of her.

A lot of hospitals would love that type of donation and you would feel happy knowing another child going through it could be smiling and enjoying the toys.”


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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.

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