People should know the difference between what they need to know and what they want to know. In one case, a boyfriend demanded to know his girlfriend’s pen name, believing he had the right to do so.

A user asked on a popular forum, Am I wrong for demanding my girlfriend tell me her author’s pen name? Here is the full story:


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The Original Poster (OP) is a 32-year-old man dating 32-year-old Siobhan for 6 months. She had always been very vague about her profession. 

What Does She Do

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She made ambiguous statements about working from home and writing but never gave concrete details. Recently, one of her friends mentioned something, and OP finally dragged it out of her.

She Is An Author

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She was an author; she wrote and self-published romance and erotica stories and novels. Although not wealthy, she was able to support herself through her writing. OP googled her name and couldn’t find anything, so OP confronted her about that. OP demanded that she give him the pen name so he could see her work and understand what she does.

Read: He Choose To Go On A Trip With His Girlfriend Over Babysitting His Struggling Brother’s Son. Family Thinks He Is Selfish. We Don’t.

What Happened Next?

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She refused and said that she didn’t want it to be leaked, even by accident. OP accused Siobhan of not trusting him, but she still refused to give him her pen name, which was quite frustrating for him.

OP Tried A More Friendly Approach

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OP tried a more friendly approach and told her he wanted to know her fantasies to try that out with her. She told him that what she wrote were not her fantasies but those of her readers. Despite this, she remained firm in her decision to keep her pen name a secret from him.

Read: He REFUSED To Pay Her Daughter’s College Fees Because She Din’t Like His “New” Family. Is He Right?

What Did OP Do

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At night OP tried to check her laptop for her pen name, but she changed her password before bed. OP was annoyed and told her that she didn’t trust him. He argued that he had a right to know her pen name, as it was necessary to understand who she was truly.

Siobhan Was Enraged

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Siobhan was enraged when she discovered that OP had tried to check her laptop, and she told him to leave. As he went, he clarified that he expected her to apologize for her behavior and provide him with her pen name. In response, Siobhan called him a jerk.

Read: He Was The Bride’s Photographer, But Deleted All The Wedding Photos Without Giving Them. We Think He Is Right. You?

Based on What

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“Based on what? You WANT to know what she writes – don’t confuse that with having any RIGHT to the information.”

You Are Jerk With Bells On

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“You are a jerk with bells on. She wants to write erotica from the safety of anonymity. You don’t get to remove that.

You’re a double jerk for expecting an apology. If she were here, half the sub (more like 95%) would be urging her to dump your controlling back that would probably doxx her in the event of a messy breakup.”

“You come across as someone who would threaten to rage-leak her name every time she displeased you”

What Happens Next

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He had been waiting for Siobhan to call and apologize, but she had not reached out. His sister suggested that he was in the wrong and should apologize. Still, he remained unconvinced and sought a second opinion on the matter.

What Does OP Want To Know

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OP asks for your opinion on this. What would you do in this situation? Was OP right in demanding to know her pen name? Was it inappropriate for OP’s girlfriend to refuse to share that information?

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The article originally appeared here.

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