When selecting a dress code for a wedding, it is important to consider everyone’s comfort and safety. If not, it will lead to issues and arguments.

A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for not attending my sister-in-law’s wedding due to her dress code.”. Read the complete story to know who is wrong here.


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The Original Poster (OP) (25f) is having a conflict with her husband’s sister (SIL) (36f).

Her SIL is getting married in 2 weeks, and her dress code is incredibly complicated.

It is black tie, long sleeves, and floor length gowns.


wedding bride upset
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The conflict happened because OP was currently 34 weeks pregnant and overheated very quickly.

The wedding was entirely outside, in the middle of the day, in the southern USA, where it is incredibly hot, and she cannot be in a sleeve-floor-length gown in the heat for 8 hours.


sisters fighting badly
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She has sent her SIL a few dresses to try to compromise her. Her SIL is completely adamant about exactly what she wants.


bullying, friendship and people concept - two teenagers having a fight
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She told her SIL the previous day that she could not attend her wedding if she would not budge even slightly on the dress code.

She also told her SIL, “You have the right to have your wedding exactly how you want it, for it to be your perfect day, but I have the right to look out for my own health.”


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Her SIL freaked out at her and told her she was being incredibly selfish and that, for once, it wasn’t about her and her baby.


Scared girl fighting with friend.
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She assumes that her SIL said this because of jealousy, as they are having the family’s first grandchild child. Her SIL wants to have a baby before she has a baby.


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Since then, her husband’s side of the family has told her that she is being selfish and to just compromise one day to keep the peace. But she doesn’t think she should need to compromise her health for her wedding.

OP asks if she is a jerk for being unreasonable.


Wow, confused and woman in studio surprised, omg and mind blown gesture on pink background. Wtf, shocked and open mouth by girl shocked, puzzled or with doubt emoji, decision or choice while isolated.
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“You should mention to her that a black tie wedding traditionally happens after 5:30 PM. She should adjust her attire to a garden party, which would be entirely appropriate.

Ok, don’t tell her that (although it’s true). Just don’t go. Have your husband deal with his sister. It’s HIS job to deal with his family and HIS job to look after his very pregnant wife.”


Shocked female with her mouth opened spread hands, isolated on white
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“Who has a black tie long sleeve only dress code in the summer? What about older relatives or kids? SIL is the major jerk. It’s a major health risk for their guests.”


redhair pretty woman feeling extremely shocked and surprised, anxious and panicking, with a stressed and horrified look
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“I got heat stroke at an outdoor wedding while pregnant last year. It was miserable and scary. Take care of yourself and your baby.”

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