Treating someone unfairly due to their sexual orientation is unacceptable, and when it happens within your own family, it’s particularly distressing, don’t you think?
A netizen recently asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my daughter I will not walk her down the aisle unless she invites her siblings and their families to her wedding?”.
We need to hear your thoughts on this one.
The Original Poster (OP) (56m) has 5 children. This is about 3 of them: Casey (26f), Alex (31nb), and Tom (34m). The names are not their actual names.
Daughter Casey Is Getting Married
OP’s daughter Casey is getting married this winter to her fiancé Max (27m), who she has been together with for about 4 years.
OP is covering most of the wedding expenses as Max’s family lives in a different country, and with the currency exchange rate, they won’t be able to afford the wedding.
“I have no issues with it and just want my little girl to be happy.”, says OP.
What Happened Last Week?
Last week, while Casey was away, OP’s children, Alex and Tom, came to visit with their families, and they were all talking about wedding invitations.
OP was surprised to hear that they hadn’t received their wedding invitations, so he just thought that Casey hadn’t sent them out yet for everyone until OP’s oldest and youngest daughters pointed out they had received their invitations with their kids and partners invited.
What Did OP Do Next?
OP called his sister, who also said Casey had invited their whole family to the wedding too, and she received hers a while back, so OP immediately saw red.
Alex and Tom have husbands and children (adopted), and it seemed to OP that Casey had excluded them because of their choices.
“It also seemed weird since Casey has always been close to them and supported them when they came out as non-binary and gay, respectively.”, says OP.
Casey’s Explanation And OP’s Response
OP called Casey and demanded an explanation. OP’s daughter said that Max and his family don’t feel comfortable with couples that are not traditional, and it goes against their culture, and that she hopes for OP’s understanding.
OP told her if that’s the case, he will not be walking her down the aisle and pull out from paying for her wedding, as she can not exclude her family like this when they did nothing wrong, and if her future in-law’s opinion is so important to her, they can pay for the wedding.
As a result, Casey called OP a jerk and hung up crying. OP’s children are on his side, OP’s wife is torn as she understands where Casey comes from but agrees she shouldn’t have excluded her siblings like this.
Now OP wants to know if what he did is wrong.
I Would Do The Same
“Not the jerk. Casey can be bigoted on her own dime. I would *never* put my money into an event that discriminated against two of my kids like this. I also think it’s pretty scummy that she didn’t even have the guts to tell Alex and Tom they were being excluded.”
This Won’t Be Limited To The Wedding
“Not the jerk. It wouldn’t just be the wedding. If the in-laws are this ‘uncomfortable,’ then Alex and Tom would be excluded from every family event Casey hosts.
Holidays, if she wants to host a holiday. All birthday parties, if she has kids. Any and all other events surrounding any kids they might have—sports, graduations, ballet recitals.
If Casey gives in to this demand, she is effectively cutting off her own brothers. It won’t be every event, as the in-laws live in another country, but it will be at least some of them.
Why not invite everyone, inform everyone of who is coming, and let the ‘uncomfortable’ ones stay home?
It goes against your culture to exclude family members from family events. Casey and her fiancé have to make some tough decisions here.”
It’s So Heartbreaking And Terrible
“I was fully prepared to deliver a ‘You’re the jerk’ based on the title, but the reason they’re not invited is heartbreaking and terrible.
You should not foot the bill for a party that celebrates a union of your family and Max’s if they don’t accept your *entire* family.
You’re right that if they think they’re entitled to dictate which members of Casey’s family are allowed to attend, they’re the ones who should pay for it.
Also, how terrible that Casey feels pressured to make a “good impression” on them when they obviously don’t feel the need to extend the same courtesy in return.
Good for you for standing up for your kids and their families. They’re lucky to have a father who supports them and advocates for them. Not the jerk all the way.”
She’s A Bigot, Too
“By condoning the bigotry of her fiance and his family, your daughter is also a bigot herself. Don’t back down; she is making her choice, you need to make your choice, you cannot support her behavior, paying for the wedding and attending it would also mean you are accepting it, condoning it.
In this case, you need to stand up for your other children. If you give her a pass on this now, what other occasions are your children going to be excluded from?”
Is This Gonna End Ever?
“So, where will this end? If Casey and Max have kids, will Alex and Tom have to stay away then too? If Casey and Max host any holidays, will Alex and Tom not be invited?
Can Casey still come to family gatherings where Alex and Tom will be, or will she have to stay away to make Max and his family happy?
Casey can’t really win this and keep both her future marriage and family intact at the same time if Max and his family put their foot down about their bigotry, and it seems like she is siding with the bigots (for now at least).”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.