Healthy relationships are edifices of love, trust, and mutual respect, fostering joy and support rather than toxicity. However, identifying a toxic relationship can be challenging, particularly for those with no prior experience.
Here are the top 30 tell-tale signs you’re in a toxic relationship:
1. Wanting For You To Be In Constant Touch
“My 57-year-old colleague constantly has to send videos and pics of him working to his wife.”
2. Your Partner Always Gets Their Way
“For me, it was “easier” to bend over backward than to deal with the whining and complaining if I stood my ground. Easier is in quotes because it was only easier in the short term – long term made life hell.”
3. Badmouthing You When You’re Not Around
“If someone is always talking crap about their partner whenever they are not together.”
“I’ve seen this far too many times, it’s always ended in a total disaster within a few years at most.”
4. Constantly Fighting With You
“Lack of trust and constant fights.”
“Constant heated verbal fights, using a language where there is a clear lack of genuine respect for one another”
5. Lack Of Respect
“I once read that contempt is the #1 sign of a relationship on its deathbed. When partners don’t respect each other, it sets the stage for every other bad thing.”
6. Not Able To Understand Your ViewPoint
“Inability to take a step back, listen and analyze the other person’s point and come to a conclusion during a conflict”
7. Blaming You
“No communication and everything is a blame game with no acceptance of responsibility”
8. Threatening To Break-Up
“Break up, make up, break up, makeup, rinse, and repeat.”
9. Doesn’t Let You Have A Life
“Someone who does not let you have a life outside of the relationship and gets upset when you see friends or do hobbies you like, even if you make time for them.”
10. Yelling At You
“Being yelled at/attacked for reacting to their abusive behavior.”
11. You’re Feeling Alone
“If you find yourself feeling alone in the relationship.”
12. You’re Burdened With Responsibility
“One person does all of the housework/cooking/chores/shopping/maintenance/childcare, yet the other person continues to complain that they don’t do it right.”
13. Gaslighting You
“Gaslighting. Or the idea that whatever you say can make them mad, so you start choosing every word way too carefully / end up not speaking your mind to avoid a fight”
14. You Feel Like Walking on Egg Shells
“Based on personal experience… when you have to walk on eggshells because you’re worried about how they might react”
15. Constantly Invalidating Or Confusing You
“For me, what the giveaway was simply how I felt. I realized I felt extremely invalidated constantly with my partner. I was constantly confused as to why they were either so angry or how they came to whatever conclusion they came to. Every situation was turned around on me even if I came to them with a valid concern.”
16. Accusing You Of Cheating
“Constantly being accused of cheating. I would bring up a guy friend or a coworker and all of a sudden he’d think I’m having something with them.”
17. Refusing To Apologise
“If someone refuses to apologize for any reason, ever. It means they put their pride before the person they are with and the relationship.”
18. You’re Constantly Adjusting
“If you constantly make compromises just to appease them and you are always the bad guy.”
19. Hold Grudges Against You
“They are extremely argumentative and also hold onto grudges easily and won’t let anything go without a fight.”
20. Lack of Empathy
“They lack empathy towards other people.”
21. They Refuse To Help You
“They outright refuse to help you in absolutely any way whatsoever, even in difficult times. E.g., you are evicted and have nowhere else to stay – even if it’s just one night – they’ll refuse to help you. Or if they do choose to help you, they want something in return.”
22. No Respect For Privacy
“They do not respect your privacy. They’ll repeatedly barge into your room, demand to know who you are phoning, etc.”
23. Giving You Silent Treatment
“They might also give you the silent treatment and ignore you for prolonged periods of time without explanation. And then out of the blue they’ll start speaking to you again like nothing happened.”
24. Putting Conditions On Their Love
“They put conditions on their love towards you and having a relationship with you. I.e., do X or do Y, and only then will they be willing to spend time with you, etc.”
25. Constant Mood Swings
“They are prone to wild mood swings. One moment they’ll appear to be “fine” and in a good mood, next moment they’re angry and abusive. You never know what kind of mood they will be in on a given day. They get annoyed and angry at the smallest thing and saying the “wrong” thing would instantly change their mood for the worse”
26. Double Standards
“Double standards or expecting your partner to do something for you that you’d never do for them”
27. Minimizing What You Feel
“Double standards or expecting your partner to do something for you that you’d never do for them”
28. Saying Stupid Stuff
“When a partner tells you ‘I don’t care, that’s just the way I am’ in response to being called out for an extremely toxic or abusive behaviour. Also if that is their response when you express feeling hurt or upset by that behaviour.”
29. Keeping Scores
“Keeping score. “I did this last time.” Or “You never do that.” Leads to anger at the other person for no reason.”
30. Constantly Reminding Of Past Mistakes
“tit for tat – One partner constantly reminds the other of their past mistakes, using them as leverage to justify their own negative behaviors.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.