What would you do if someone blamed you for everything going wrong in another person’s life? That too, after listening to a one-sided perspective? 

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for reporting my sister’s therapist?”. We need to hear your thoughts.


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The Original Poster (OP) is the older sibling at 25 years old, and his sister is 20. According to OP, their family dynamic has always been complex. His parents have been together for a long time, and they always wanted a daughter, even before OP was born. They were a bit bummed when OP came along but not too disappointed.

“They kept trying for another child and faced some conception troubles, even seeking help from a clinic”, says OP. 


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Eventually, OP’s parents succeeded and were overjoyed when they learned it was a girl. They told OP to be a good role model and keep her safe, which made OP happy as a five-year-old.


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However, things changed after OP’s sister was born. OP’s relationship with his parents shifted dramatically. He felt sidelined, almost like he didn’t matter anymore.

“I didn’t get birthday celebrations, gifts, or a close connection with my parents. They said they had to focus on my younger sister because she was little, and I needed to understand that.”, says OP. 


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Growing up, OP’s parents treated his sister and him totally differently. They made him get a job at 14 to help with bills and rent while his sister didn’t have to. 

“I never got the same treatment as her. She got new stuff, but I had to work for everything with my part-time job, even though I had to give half of my earnings to my parents. My sister was the favorite child, and we never got along well.”, says OP. 


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When OP turned 18, he worked hard and got into medical school. But OP’s parents said they couldn’t afford to help him, which annoyed him. 

“I decided to go anyway and worked hard to pay for everything. Despite the challenges, I finished my degree and started my residency.”, says OP. 


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His (OP’s) sister had just finished high school and got into this pricey private college, living independently with their parents’ full support. OP made peace with their favoritism, keeping his distance since he barely saw them as he lived in a different city.


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So, when OP visited recently, his sister shocked him by suggesting they go to therapy together. He (OP) thought it might help them patch things up, but the therapist blamed him for all his sister’s issues, saying he needed to step back for her mental health. 

“I got seriously annoyed, confronted the therapist, and, of course, my sister and parents took her side, leaving me fuming.”, says OP. 


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Since OP believed what the therapist did was unethical, he filed an anonymous complaint against her, thinking it was the right thing to do. It turns out it’s not as anonymous as he thought, and now his parents are begging him to withdraw it, claiming it’ll hurt the person who was apparently “helping their princess.” 


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OP had enough and hightailed it out of there, driving six hours back to his place, still seething and feeling like he could’ve handled the whole mess better.

“Now, I can’t say I’m not feeling bad. I’m not too fond of this situation, and while I don’t feel like all I did was undeserving, maybe I should have handled it differently. So, am I a jerk?” asks OP. 


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“Not the jerk. You were right to report the therapist. That was out of line, and any therapist who encourages unhealthy relationships shouldn’t be in the field at all. Please don’t withdraw it because if they did it to you, they probably did it to someone who can’t/won’t stand up to them.”


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“Not the jerk. It sounds like the therapist made a quick judgment based on the one-sided story she’s been hearing without giving you a chance to have your say. Family therapy is supposed to be about everyone talking out in the open, not a way to single out one family member without having all the information. 

I’d say the therapist made a serious mistake, and I agree with your decision to report her for unethical behavior. Unfortunately, her career will be impacted, but she should have thought about that before she suggested they all corner you.” 


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“Not the jerk. This therapist is feeding the lies your parents have imprinted on her as reality and is encouraging planned group attacks on you instead of getting your side. Unprofessional and unethical.” 

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