What would you do if your family starts acting “racist” to your kid’s friends?

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for choosing my son’s friends over family?”. Read on to know what exactly happened!


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The Original Poster (OP) has a 16-year-old son, Nate. He’s been in this friend group of 5 (including him) since they were about eight years old.

“We’re white, and so are two other boys, but one is Middle Eastern and another is South Asian. This is relevant,” says OP. 


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It was Thanksgiving the other day, and the two boys who aren’t white don’t celebrate the holiday, so OP always invites them to theirs. 

“They usually come, and it’s always great fun for the boys, especially since Nate’s cousins are either much older or much younger,” says OP. 


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Like the past few years, OP invited them, and they both came. OP’s mom also brought her new boyfriend. 

“I’ve met him before, and he seemed fine,” says OP. 


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Her (OP’s) mom’s boyfriend saw the boys in the living room and immediately said, “I know those two men aren’t yours!” 

OP explained to him that they were Nate’s friends. 

“He whispered something to my mom, but she just walked away. He stood by the boys the whole time, but they didn’t seem to care and made conversation with him. I relaxed and left to do something,” says OP. 


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Twenty minutes later, Nate comes up to OP saying that his grandma’s boyfriend is weird, so OP goes to see what’s happening, and he is interrogating the other boys about their “true intentions” with Nate and the rest of OP’s family.

One of the boys jokingly goes, “Hey, you caught us,” which sent OP’s mom’s boyfriend spiraling. 


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She (OP) interrupted and dragged the culprit to the kitchen, where she told him that he needed to leave because he was being racist. 

“He was surprised, and I’m sure he was expecting me to give him another chance, but I’ve read enough stories to know he’d say something even more stupid later. Besides, I care about those boys way more than I care about him”, says OP. 


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He called OP’s mom over, and she begged OP to give him another chance, saying she’d make sure he kept his mouth shut. OP told her she was sorry, but she couldn’t care less. OP’s mom got extremely upset and said that OP should send the boys home if they’re so uncomfortable, plus it’s a family holiday. 

“I just shrugged, but she got annoyed and said if he leaves, she leaves too. I did hesitate but ultimately decided she could leave, too. 

Mom didn’t take that well and said her boyfriend was saying what they all were thinking, and it’s about time those boys stopped ‘infiltrating’ our family time”, says OP. 


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They left, and OP was still reasonably confident until one aunt and her daughters said that it’s true that they and other family members don’t like that the two boys are at every Thanksgiving/sometimes Christmas, and it’s a little suspicious, but ‘it’s not a race thing.’” 


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The aunt and her daughters said it was pretty terrible of OP to choose random teenage boys over family, but OP told them they were welcome to leave, and they shut up. 

“I don’t know if that’s what I’m doing, but many of them feel this way. Am I a jerk for choosing these boys over family? Mom won’t talk to me either”, says OP. 


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“Not the jerk. Your mom’s new boyfriend is not your family. She’s choosing a racist over her family. It’s appalling that your aunt and her daughters agree with the boyfriend’s sentiment.” 


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“Not the jerk. This is the hill to die on. Your son’s friend group is long established. They will mean more for his future than others. Stand your ground. Good for you.


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“Behaviour over blood relations. The 16-year-olds and you were the only mature people there. Not the jerk, of course!” 

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