Nobody likes getting touched by a stranger at a public gathering. But what if a specially-abled child did it?
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for saying ‘No’ and pulling my arm away from a special needs teen?”. We need your opinion on the matter!
BACKSTORY
This weekend, the Original Poster (OP) (26F) was at an amusement park that gets quite busy.
“I was standing waiting for an event to start while my friend went to grab snacks when I felt something brush against my arm,” says OP.
OP IGNORED IT
She (OP) didn’t think much of it because, as she said, this park gets busy, and sometimes that can happen.
A FEW MOMENTS LATER
A few moments later, OP felt another brush against her arm. OP glanced back quickly and saw a teen (16) in a wheelchair.
SHORTLY AFTER
Shortly after, OP felt a hand grab onto her arm. OP pulled away and tried to move a little further. The teen grabs OP’s arm again and starts patting her. OP said “No” and pulled away to leave.
OP GETS CALLED OUT
As OP started walking away, she heard the child’s mom (assuming) yelling out that her kid has unique needs and is loving and doesn’t hurt anyone.
“Pretty sure she called me an ableist, but at that point, I had already walked off,” says OP.
IS OP THE JERK?
“I don’t like being grabbed, and I don’t want any physical contact with someone I don’t know. Should I have handled it better? Am I a jerk?” asks OP.
SOME MORE CONTEXT
She (OP) later edited the post and added the following information:
“I was a little shocked that the mother just stood there. While I should have said something, the last thing I wanted was a confrontation that resulted in either of us getting removed from the park.
I did get asked about the gender, and I wasn’t sure. I think many responses assumed a male, but might have been a female. It still doesn’t change how I would have reacted.”
YOUR RESPONSE WAS NATURAL
“Not the jerk. You responded naturally to being grabbed by someone you don’t know. Special needs or not, if you don’t want to be touched/grabbed, you don’t have to accept it. I would have also felt uncomfortable, especially if caught off guard.”
THE MOM NEEDS TO BE MORE CAREFUL
“Not the jerk. It sounds like the mom has used ‘ableist’ before, as it seemed to come out quite naturally. She needs to stick a bit closer to her child to monitor the touching. It would make me uncomfortable, and I think you did the right thing.”
DISABILITIES ARE NOT AN EXCUSE
“The child’s mother is using him/her as a crutch to allow them to get away with crossing boundaries. He may have meant no harm, but it doesn’t excuse his behavior. His rights end where yours begin. Not the jerk.”
IT’S THE GUARDIAN’S JOB
“Not the jerk. The guardian or parent needs to step up the end of their jobs and do a better job rather than putting it on everyone else. I don’t like being touched either, especially by people I don’t know.”
YOU DON’T OWE THEM ANYTHING
“Not the jerk. You don’t have to give up your personal space or autonomy because a kid wants to touch you. You don’t owe any part of your body to anyone. Mom must teach her kid to ask permission to touch other people.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.