When helping family, it is important to prioritize it whenever possible, but it is also important to communicate and collaborate with your spouse to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.
Someone took to the forum and asked, Am I Wrong For Insisting That I Be There When My Sister Gives Birth When My Wife Doesn’t Like It?
Backstory:
The Original Poster (OP) is a 40 year old male and have a younger sister, Beth, a 28 year old female. Beth is due to give birth in couple of weeks in another state.
What Does OP Say
OP says “Unfortunately, her jerk of a husband is divorcing her and our mom is caring for our dad after he had his second heart related surgery.”
Beth Was Crying To OP
Beth was crying to OP one night on the phone about how alone she feels after her best friend had to back out of being in the delivery room due to a family emergency and their sister couldn’t get the time off of work from her job overseas.
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What Did Beth Share?
Beth told OP that she might have a C-section, and she was panicking. OP let her cry about it for nearly an hour before OP’s Big Brother mode kicked in.
OP Offered To Fly Out
OP offered to fly out and support her during the delivery. OP says “It was something I did without any real thought but I meant it because this was my baby sister and she was going through a rough time and told me she was scared.”
OP have a job where he can easily get permission to work from home and since OP was well liked and respected in the office, his boss was willing to let me do this provided that his work performance isn’t impacted. So, this wasn’t a problem.
Beth sounded relieved when OP told her the good news and everyone in the family was giving OP the preverbal pat on the back.
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What Happened At OP’s Home?
OP shares that his wife, Kim, wasn’t happy with this decision. She told him that OP needed to stay for the kids and that Beth can either find someone else or do it alone. OP has 3 kids “Cody” (13m), “Chelsea” (10f), “Connor” (7m). They all know that their aunt is going through a tough time and needs help and said that they were fine with OP leaving for a while.
However, Kim still insisted that the kids were lying and didn’t want OP to go. On this, OP responded saying that even if it was true, OP was still going because Beth needed him. He says he can always make it up to the kids later.
Fight Happened
This caused a fight between OP and his wife and in the heat of the moment Kim admitted that she didn’t want me to go because she thought that it was weird for an uncle to be present at the birth.
This brought up old wounds for OP since OP was denied access to the birthing room for all three of my children as Kim only wanted her mom and sister there. OP says “In truth, Beth’s baby will be the first and possibly only time I’ll ever get to see a baby be born live and Kim doesn’t like it.”
What Did OP Tell
OP told Kim that if she didn’t want him to go so bad then she can call Beth, OP’s parents, and OP’s sister and explain it all to them because there was no way OP was going to break Beth’s heart when she needed family most. Kim told OP that he was a jerk.
What Do People Think?
“Not a jerk. Your wife thinking that it is weird for an uncle to be present for the birth of their niece/nephew is not reason enough for your sister to go through this experience alone. Your sister has already had so many people revoke their offers of support, to have you do so would cause a lot of unnecessary stress” said one.
Double Standards
“Plus, the irony of OP’s wife wanting her sister there when she gave birth, but throwing a fit when her husband is going to support his sibling? The double standard is real” said another.
You Are NOT A Jerk
“Not a jerk – Giving birth is one of the most vulnerable and painful experiences someone can be in. She will need someone there to be her advocate in the event she’s unable to advocate for herself. Absolutely good on you for stepping up.
It’s strange that your wife’s hangup seems to be an uncle being present in the delivery room…? When she had no problem having a grandma and aunt in her delivery room? While not letting you be present for the births of your own children?
She has no legitimately reasons and it honestly sounds like she has some issues that are her responsibility to work out” said one more.
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.