Parenting can be difficult, especially when you have multiple children. It can be challenging to balance their needs and ensure that they all feel loved and supported.
One particular challenge is dealing with sibling jealousy. It’s perfectly normal for siblings to feel jealous of each other from time to time, but it can become a problem if it’s excessive or persistent.
Auser asked the forum, Am I a jerk for not paying my daughter’s rent anymore due to her jealousy toward her sister?
BACK STORY
The Original Poster (OP) has two daughters, Sam and Kathy. OP’s family was dirt poor as Sam was growing up.
She says that it was a bad time overall, they knew something needed to change when Sam was 8, so she went to college at night; she could only afford a few classes a semester, so it took longer than four years.
GRADUATED
OP finally graduated when Sam was 14, but they were still poor despite the new, much better job due to debt.
When Sam was 18, it finally got a lot better; OP got really lucky and ended up in a high-demand field.
BEGINNING OF GOOD TIMES
They went from struggling for food on the table to being able to go on vacation twice a year without problems. OP says that Kathy was ten and much more stable, so Kathy’s and Sam’s childhoods are a lot different.
Kathy can attend a nice school, while Sam’s is a small inner-city public school.
OP says that Kathy doesn’t have to buy from thrift stores; she has an iPhone and so on. Now OP pays for Sam to go to college without any debt, and she comes on all family vacations free, pays her apartment rent, and so on.
SAM IS JEALOUS
OP says that the problem was Sam is so jealous of her sister because the school is taking people on a trip to DC, and OP says that’s where all of this came to a head.
Sam yelled at her sister about how she is a spoiled brat and told OP that she should treat her the same way she was growing up.
SAM WANTS OP TO TREAT KATHY SIMILARLY
They argued more about Sam wanting OP to treat Kathy poorly. OP told her that if she wanted us to be poor so much, she could stop paying her rent from now on.
She called OP a jerk when she realized OP was serious.
AUNTS WERE ON HER SIDE
Sam went to her aunts, and they were on her side. OP questions if she is a jerk for asking Sam to pay her own rent. OP also says she will call her to see if they can work this out.
YOU DO NOT REALIZE THE FEELINGS OF YOUR OLDER DAUGHTER
“You’re failing to realize how badly your oldest daughter’s childhood hurt her. Yes, you’re helping her now, but that doesn’t undo the damage already done. Keep doing what you’re doing that benefits each girl. Family therapy would be a huge benefit for everyone.”
YOU CAN FIX HER TRAUMA
“I think you have probably been minimizing your older daughter’s trauma. That’s why she exploded. Do you think buying her stuff now can just fix everything?”
SEND HER TO THERAPY
‘Before vacations twice a year, you should have sent your kid to therapy, so she was best adjusted to the new financial realities and could be able to embrace the changes.
You punished her for expressing her feelings. She did nothing wrong; she grew up hard. I’m sure you felt you did your best, but your kid was hurting, OP. That doesn’t just disappear.”
YOU NEED TO BE COMPASSIONATE TO HER
“You are a jerk for further punishing your eldest instead of being compassionate about why she feels as she does.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.