Is it okay to take your twenty-three-year-old daughter’s bitter words that she could’ve possibly said in the heat of the moment too seriously?
An internet user asked, “Will I be a jerk for financially cutting off my daughter after she told me not to expect her to care for me in my old age?”. We need you to find out!
BACKSTORY
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) (44m) daughter (23f) does not get along with his wife. OP and his wife have been married for two years.
THE STRAINED RELATIONSHIP
He and his wife got together when OP’s daughter was at college. His ex-wife doesn’t like her, and OP has a feeling that is the most significant part of it.
“My daughter can’t seem to point to what she doesn’t like, just general ‘she is a stuck up jerk,’ or ‘she always has an attitude,'” says OP.
THE MONTHLY ALLOWANCE
His daughter recently graduated, and he has been helping her pay bills as she looks for a job in her field. They usually give her around $1,000 a month.
WHAT HAPPENED RECENTLY?
Recently, OP’s daughter was at their house, and she and OP’s wife argued over his daughter leaving a mess in the kitchen.
THE FINAL STRAW
As OP tried to diffuse things, OP’s daughter started screaming that he was stupid for siding with his wife and that she would remember this when he was older and needed her.
THIS FLOORED OP
At this point, OP just walked away. After giving it some thought, he realized he didn’t want his future to be in someone else’s hands, especially someone who intended to lord that over him.
OP’S THOUGHTS RIGHT NOW
OP would never place the expectation on her to care for him, but he does feel like since she has made it clear that any support from her in his old age would come with strings, it makes more sense to invest that money so that his later years will be paid for.
“So, will I be a jerk if I redirect that 1000 a month into my retirement vs. helping my daughter?” asks OP.
ENJOY YOUR HARD-EARNED MONEY
“Not the jerk. Your daughter can look after and pay for herself at her age. Enjoy your hard-earned money. Make provisions for your future. Do not leave it in the hands of anyone you don’t trust will do the right thing by you when you need it.”
SHE’S 23 AND UPSET
“She’s 23. I had similar fights with my dad and stepmom when I moved back in with them. Once she has moved out, I can promise you she’s either:
1) not going to remember or
2) not going to follow through.
So much can happen between now and when that time comes. I wouldn’t take her words that seriously.
But I would take them seriously enough to try to communicate better and maybe approach the issue of cleanliness differently. So, not the jerk, but also, I think you need to realize she’s 23 and upset.”
DAUGHTER SOUNDS ENTITLED
“Not the jerk! Your adult daughter must realize that she is not a kid and show respect when she’s in your and your wife’s home.
She is a guest, and her behavior is not acceptable! Also, let her know there will be no more free laundry if she can’t respect your home and wife! Daughter sounds entitled.”
YOU GUYS NEED FAMILY COUNSELING
“Not the jerk, but if I were you, I’d try more to get closer to my daughter before possibly pushing her away for good. Family counseling or something. It sounds like more could be the problem.”
SHE NEEDS TO LEARN TO RESPECT PEOPLE
“Not the jerk. You have every right to cut her off and not even feel bad about it. She needs to learn to respect people regardless of how she feels about them. She will learn very fast once you pull the money, so fast I’ll bet she will be begging for forgiveness.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.