The prospect of parenthood is a deeply moving and emotional journey. Yet, for those who have endured a lengthy wait or faced significant challenges along the way, the emotional rollercoaster can be even more profound.

Someone recently asked on the internet, Am I a jerk for making a joke about drugs with my doctor? We need your opinion on the matter. 


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After years of infertility, the Original Poster (OP) and her husband are in their second trimester of pregnancy.

It’s safe to say they both have some trauma from it, but her husband, unlike her, does not find comfort in the dark jokes she sometimes makes about it. It’s how she deals with it, he doesn’t, so she doesn’t make those jokes around him.

What Does OP Say

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OP has worked in surgical settings, and her OBGYN is someone she worked alongside as well. 

What Does OP Say

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OP says, “I trust him with my life and my pregnancy. He’s an older gentleman who reminds me of my grandfather, we’ve saved lives together, and we both have that same “twisted healthcare workers” humor, so I have a solid bond with him.”

What Happened Recently?

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At the most recent visit (her husband was also there), Doc and OP were just talking generally about the pregnancy and what to expect, and how happy he was that she had made it to the second trimester. 

What Happened Next

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They were nearing the end of their visit and Doc says, “You’re exercising? Doing everything right? No drug use?” A smile flashes across his face; she knows the drug question is a joke.

OP: “I mean, the tiniest bit of meth…just to get through the day.”

What Happens Next

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He laughs. She laughs. Her husband doesn’t. The husband quickly says, “No no no – she doesn’t! \*fake laugh\*”

They get back in the car, and her husband is pretty annoyed that she made a joke like that. OP apologized and told him it happened so quickly that it didn’t even register that it would hurt his feelings, and Doc didn’t take it seriously as he initiated the banter.

He Pushes That Something Shouldn’t Be Joked About

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He pushes that some things shouldn’t be joked about. OP tries to explain that A LOT of healthcare workers do make jokes like that because if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be able to handle the things they deal with.

What Does OP Say

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OP says, “I do understand his side to an extent and fully agree that a joke isn’t funny if someone takes offense to it. But on the other hand, am I not allowed to continue to bond with my doctor if that’s the way we communicate? Does that make me a jerk?”

You Both Are Stressed And Deal With It Differently 

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“Your husband is stressed and sensitive. But there’s nothing wrong with joking with your Dr.” Said one. 

“Both are stressed and dealing with it in their own ways, which seems equally fair. I don’t see any malice or defensiveness from either side, just a difference in perspectives and coping mechanisms, which is expected from two different people.” Another added. 

No Harm Done But Him Freaking Out Was Reasonable

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“It was a joke, the doctor knew it was a joke, no harm done.” Said one 

“This is it. I don’t get the judgments or comments about getting the husband in therapy. He’s right to freak out a bit about it. *Don’t say things to your doctor that you don’t want to see in your chart notes*, even if you are sure you have a personal understanding of them.

This is like lawyers who think they can magically talk to cops when *they* are the suspects. It’s dumb.” Another added. 

You Both Aren’t In The Wrong 

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“You try to keep the jokes that bother your husband away from him, but you made an honest mistake. He’s not a jerk for this bothering him, either.”

No Jerks Here, Just Two People With Different Coping Mechanisms 

You can do it
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“Congratulations!  I hope everything continues smoothly for you.

I’m going to go with *No Jerks Here*. The ‘twisted healthcare humor’ – I understand as I, too, am afflicted with this. It’s a way to cope and (I can’t speak for you, but certainly for myself and many other friends/colleagues) a way to distance yourself from trauma. 

Your husband copes differently. Plus, it sounds as though this is a high-stress/trauma situation. You’ve done your best to modify your joking. You made a joke he didn’t like with your Dr and friend. He told you he wasn’t happy about it when you got back to the car, and you apologized. 

I don’t think either of you is the jerk in this situation.”

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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.

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