If my partner kept delaying our trip at the last minute, making it impossible for us to go, I would be very disappointed and frustrated. I would need to have a serious conversation with them to understand why they were doing this and to see if it was something we could work through together.
An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for leaving my wife at a party/going away solo when she was making me late?”. Here’s the full story for your context.
The Original Poster’s (OP’s) (28) wife (27) graduated medical school in 2021. They had a graduation party since everyone was vaccinated, but it was pretty small due to a recent outbreak there. You could only bring 1 guest, and you had to socially distance again.
Her medical school decided to invite the pandemic graduates to this year’s graduation event. They planned this all out pretty last minute, only giving 3 weeks’ notice that it was happening. But OP’s wife was very excited about it.
She gets paid crumbs and works long hours as a resident, so OP gets why she wants to relax and have fun.
The Issue At The Moment
The issue is that OP had a huge work trip the next day that had been planned for months. OP doesn’t travel a lot for work so they went all out to make this comfortable, and he had a lot riding on it (if OP didn’t do well, he would probably be fired, but if he did well there were 2 open positions he could be promoted to).
OP’s Wife Wanted to Come
OP’s wife wanted to come with OP, so OP’s company comped her flight, and we were going to make a vacation out of it after OP’s presentations.
“We were flying out the night of the party to ensure I made it on time for the meetings the next day. I told my wife we shouldn’t go to the redo event since we had to fly out and it would be very tight.”, says OP.
What Did They Decide?
She insisted they go since the party started at 3 pm and their flight left at 9 pm. But the gala was 1.5 hours away from the airport. They made a plan to leave at 5:30 pm, and pack everything in their car beforehand, so they could go straight to the airport.
What Eventually Happened?
But by 5:30, she just started saying goodbye. OP told her they needed to leave as soon as possible. She said no, they don’t have to be 2 hours early for their flight, etc. Around 6 p.m., this guy from medical school (who had a crush and asked her out multiple times) grabbed her hand and pulled her to another table.
OP went up to them and told him he needed to back off. He said OP needed to treat her better and let her ‘enjoy herself’. OP looked at his wife, but she ignored him.
OP’s Final Decision
At that point, OP decided he wasn’t going to try and convince her to stick to her word anymore. OP told her he was leaving for the airport and took their car. There was a ton of traffic and security was a mess, so OP only had a few minutes to spare before getting on the plane.
She texted OP horrible things. OP never responded/engaged, but she kept texting OP how he was horrible and doesn’t understand what it’s like to have COVID ruin a huge moment for you.
“I disagree…she still had a graduation party, it’s not my fault she didn’t get to dance! I don’t see what the huge deal was, and conversely think she didn’t understand that this would cost me my job if I missed the flight, and since I make up around 70% of our income in an HCOL area, we would essentially be homeless.”, says OP.
The Chaos Continues
They’ve been on tense terms since this happened in June. She brings it up a lot and is recommending therapy so OP can “learn how to behave in a marriage”, but OP doesn’t think they need it since she’s the one who caused this whole problem in the first place and should take accountability for that first.
“But am I way off here? Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
She Was Being WAY Immature
“Not the jerk. You needed to catch the flight and not risk your job. She was being immature, wanting to party without managing her time.”
Does She Keep Blaming Others?
“Not the jerk. You compromised. She just did whatever the hell she wanted regardless of what she promised and was uncaring of any binds she was putting you in.
Does she have a history of blaming others when she’s in the wrong? If it’s habitual, I’d leave. If this is the first time, do marriage counseling to see if having a third party back you up get through to her?”
You Should Definitely Go To Therapy With Her
“Not the jerk for the incident but you should definitely go to therapy with your wife instead of blowing it off. It definitely seems like it’s causing stress in your relationship.”
She Needs To Understand How Time Works
“Maybe she needs to understand how time and plane schedules don’t care about her feelings. Try couples counseling and see if she can take responsibility for her actions. If not, I don’t understand why you stay with her.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.