You have to be a next-level jerk to give a sixth grader the biggest shock of his life and then blame him for cutting you off forever. It’s like breaking someone’s heart and then blaming them for feeling hurt. 

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my son I want no contact?”. We need you to find out!


couple sad upset fight
Image Credit: Josep Suria, Shutterstock.

The Original Poster (OP) (45 male) and his ex-wife got together in their teenage years. He got married at 21 and had their son at 22. After their son was born, they slowly started to drift away. When their son was about 11 or 12, OP decided to pull the plug on his marriage. 

“I don’t know why, but my wife was very shocked. By then, we had already had a dead bedroom for about four years and hadn’t had any deep discussion for about the same time. I was just done.”, says OP. 


Horizontal portrait of shocked caucasian male models against yellow background looks with great surprisment being very stunned, astonished with unexpected news, . Facial expressions concept.
Image Credits: Deposit Photos

It took about a week for OP to move out, and all this time, his ex-wife cried, begging him to stay. But OP stood his ground. His son was furious at him and wouldn’t talk to him at all. 

He understood why. In his eyes, OP was hurting his mother. When OP finally moved out, his son didn’t want to see him. 

“I tried hard and regularly came to see him, but he always told me he hated me and ran to his room. I was devastated.”, says OP. 


Image Credits: Antonio Guillem, Shutterstock

The divorce was finalized in about a year. Custody was in place for 50/50. They got OP’s son in therapy, but it didn’t help. He hated OP’s guts to the core. 

“I never wanted to force him to go to my place. I could, but I didn’t want him to resent me even more.”, says OP. 


Middle age man wearing business suit making fish face with lips, crazy and comical gesture. funny expression.
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OP still wanted to be there for his son, went to his games, and sent him birthday and Christmas gifts, but he shut him out completely. The son last told OP that he didn’t want him at his events anymore. 

OP went to his ex’s house several times, but she always told him that their son didn’t want to see him and that she wouldn’t make him. “At this point, I was cut off completely. I found myself on a long, dark road of depression and pain. It was like my son died. The lowest point of my life.”, says OP. 


Surprised young guy with funny face in yellow T-shirt, white isolated background. Shocked amazed face of young man with wide open mouth in yellow T-shirt on white background. Portrait of excited man
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But one day, OP woke up and was just done. He rebounded and has since moved on. He met his current wife, and they have two beautiful kids. 

Life was great again until about a year ago when OP got an email from his son. He apologized for everything. He recently got a child, started reflecting, and realized how horrible he was to OP. 

“He wanted to reconnect and be in my life again. There was much more in the email, but I don’t want to share it for privacy reasons. I didn’t feel anything when I read this email. I didn’t respond.”, says OP. 


Young man having panic attack on blue background, closeup
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Since then, OP’s son sent about 15 emails detailing what is happening in his life and his kid. OP never responded, but he figured he at least owed him some closure. OP hasn’t sent it yet. It goes:

“Dear son, I would appreciate it if you stopped emailing me. I went through hell and back at this point in my life. I have a family again, and I’m thrilled right now. I understand you have regrets and some guilt about the past, but I hold no resentment towards you and forgive you. 

Bringing you back into my life would introduce complications I am not willing to face for my good and that of my family. I simply can not give you what you seek. I want no further contact. I hope you understand and wish you all the best in your life. Goodbye, OP.” 


3. couple fight
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He didn’t send it yet and finally told his wife what was happening. She read all the emails and OP’s draft and was horrified. She begged OP not to send it and to open his heart to him. They argued, and a demand for a therapist came up. 

She even told OP’s parents, and his mom went nuclear. She started scolding him like he was a little kid again. 


An angry man isolated
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“I don’t know why she doesn’t understand. She was with me all this time and saw what I went through. In the end, she told me if I did this to my son, she would do the same to me. I was speechless. 

I don’t even know what I seek here. I went through similar stories online, and many comments were not nice to people in my position. I don’t know. Maybe I am a prick and need to hear it.”, says OP. 

Is OP a jerk?


looking angry, annoyed and frustrated screaming wtf or what’s wrong with you
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“Life is very short, and he was a hurt child. Please learn to forgive. Learn to give perfectly reasonable second chances.” 


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“Go to therapy with your son. I’m sure you’re scared to reopen the wounds that were left, but he was hurt, too. I’m sure you’re scared that if you let him back in and you get close to him and your grandchild, he may decide to just leave again, and you’ll be back in that cold, dark place again, but please go to therapy with your son and work through this you deserve to have your son in your life, and he deserves his father in his.” 


wtf woman
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“You do not get to blame your son for what they went through as a kid. You just blamed him for the problems caused by your divorce. He didn’t ask to be born in a broken home.

If you love him, you will reconnect; if you don’t, you won’t. But if you don’t love your son, who would also trust you to love them?” 


wtf woman with bob
Image Credits: Roman Samborskyi, Shutterstock

“You’re the jerk. Your whole life seems to only be about you. You were unhappy, so you left your wife. Your son needed time and space to heal, which makes you sick, so you want to cut him off. 

I suggest you stop thinking only about yourself for a few minutes. Reconnect with your son. You’ve been given a fantastic gift: A second chance. Get your head out of your rear and take it.”

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