What would you do if your partner treats you like a babysitter of their kids every now and then and doesn’t even have the decency to ask you if you’re okay with that?

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk because I don’t want my boyfriend to leave me with his 3 kids while he leaves for 10 days?”. We need to hear your thoughts on the matter.


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The Original Poster (OP) (39) and her boyfriend (50) live together and have been together for a year and a half. OP has one 4-year-old daughter, he has three kids that are here every other week, ages 7, 10, and 14. The 7-year-old and 10-year-old have behavioral issues and ADHD.

They are quite a handful for OP, who’s adjusting to life with 4 kids when they’re over and OP had trouble bonding with them.

“I’ve caught the 10-year-old stealing from me a few times, and the 7-year-old is super hyperactive and needs constant attention and he’s super loud.”, says OP.

The Breaking News

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OP’s boyfriend just told OP he’s leaving on a 10-day work trip, and 5 of these days, his kids will be here. He’s leaving this coming week. He hadn’t asked if this was okay with OP, he just told her this is what’s happening.

When OP asks why she’s the last person to know, when she should be the first because she’ll be watching his kids, he tells OP that referring to them as “HIS” and not “OURS” is toxic.

OP Is Dying Inside

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He volunteered to be one of the guys that go for this work trip, he’s a general laborer. OP is dreading these 5 days watching all 4 kids. It’s an absolute madhouse and OP is still trying to adjust to this new life with 4 kids as they haven’t lived together long.

What Does OP Ask?

nanny with a kid
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“Am I a jerk for wanting his kids to stay with their mothers for those 5 days? Or for him to come home on the week they come?”, asks OP.

You Aren’t Their Parent, That’s It!

portrait of a young brunette woman , wearing a pink sweater , with an irritated expression, hands in the air, isolated on white background. Negative human emotions
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“Not the jerk. You aren’t their parent. They should stay with their mom those days if he’s out of town. This is something that should have been discussed.”

This Man Is Using You

Photo portrait of upset shocked woman with open mouth isolated on pastel pink colored background.
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“Not the jerk. This man is using you. Did he volunteer for this trip? He’s going to enjoy time away with the guys and without the responsibility of looking after his own children.”

Don’t Let Him Do This

Young black man wearing casual pink sweater afraid and shocked with surprise and amazed expression, fear and excited face.
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“Don’t let him do this. It sounds like he wants a live-in babysitter, not a partner. You haven’t been together all that long. You aren’t married. He is calling you toxic so he can place the blame on you for his behavior.

You brought up a very valid concern and he spun it to paint you the jerk. This should be considered a huge red flag. Not the jerk.”

Lady, Grow A Spine!

Young beautiful brunette woman wearing casual dress standing over yellow background clueless and confused expression with arms and hands raised. Doubt concept.
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“Not the jerk. Lady, grow a spine. You have not been together all that long to even justify the liberties your bf is taking here. Those kids should be going to their mom’s if their dad is not there. That’s the whole purpose of custody agreements.

Do you think he’d take your kid if it was turned around? Doubt it. I don’t know if you’re on any speaking terms with the ex but if so, loop her in.”

Do You Wish To Sign Up For This?

Young hispanic woman standing over pink background shooting and killing oneself pointing hand and fingers to head like gun, suicide gesture.
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“You’re not married. A year and a half is nothing. This is your chance to really look at your life and see if this is what you think you signed up for. If not, the longer you wait the worse it’s going to get. Good luck in making decisions that will affect you forever.”

This Is A Huge Red Flag!

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“Not the jerk. They’re not your kids but that’s a good try at manipulation on his part. Honestly, this is such a red flag to me. It seems you’ve moved in with him way too soon into the relationship. I’m also willing to bet you can expect this type of behavior from him again. Time to evaluate the relationship.”

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