Sometimes, to ensure a smooth and joyous celebration on your big day, it may be necessary to uninvite certain guests. An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for telling my cousin I’m not having a child-free wedding, her daughter just isn’t invited”. We need your opinion on the matter!
Backstory
The Original Poster (OP) (27m) is getting married in the fall to his fiancé (25f) and they’ve decided that friends and family can bring their kids, since for the most part, the kids are well-behaved and will be with a sitter for the night so the parents can enjoy the festivities.
The Only Exception
The only exception is OP’s cousin Linda’s daughter Cerrie (12). Linda is entitled and selfish and she’s made her daughter entitled and selfish.
Two Years Ago
Two years ago, OP’s other cousin, Linda’s sister Lily got married and Cerrie ruined the wedding by throwing a tantrum, and destroying the cake because she was jealous that Lily’s daughter was the flower girl.
What Happened Recently?
Linda recently called OP up to “talk” and brought up child-free weddings and how terrible they are. Her invitation said nothing about a child-free wedding, it had her name, and her husband’s name on it and no plus one or anything to indicate Carrie could come.
What Did OP Tell Linda?
OP told Linda he wasn’t having a child-free wedding, Cerrie just wasn’t invited because of what happened at Lily’s wedding. OP doesn’t want a repeat of Cerrie seeing she’s not the flower girl again and throwing another fit.
What Does OP Say?
“Linda has since gotten all her friends and the few people in the family who take her side to bombard me, my fiancé and family with texts about how selfish we are for purposefully excluding one child while everyone else can bring their kids.”, says OP.
OP wants to know if she is a jerk.
It’s Your Wedding!
“Not the jerk. Your wedding should be about you. People who try to make it about them should be uninvited.
It also seems like you have a good reason and you already explained it.”
Don’t Budge
“Not the jerk. Don’t budge. She will ruin your wedding. She’s ruining it now by making you look bad. Fight her by giving the reason for what happened to her sister’s wedding. In whatever form like social media etc, limit your contact with your cousin. She’s toxic.”
You Two Are Being Too Polite
“IMO, not the jerk. It’s your wedding and you two are being too polite to invite her despite her awful personality, but with kids is another story.
Spoiled kids don’t measure the consequences of their actions, and if she already ruined something as big as the wedding cake of your cousin, I will not be willing to let it happen at my wedding.”
Tell Her She Can Stay At Home As Well
“Not the jerk. If it’s such a big problem for her to see other kids at the wedding, she can stay home, she is not forced to attend.
Personally, I would uninvite her and those who are bombarding you, they know what happened at the other wedding and should understand.”
Age Is Relevant
“Not the jerk. I think age is relevant because a 3-year-old throwing a jealous tantrum about flower girls can be removed from the room and age-appropriate…but a 10-year-old. Just no.
If the parents diffused the situation at the first wedding I’d be more sympathetic, but it sounds like that didn’t happen.”
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