A user asked, Am I a jerk for telling my wife not to talk to my dad, but I will continue to? We need you to look into this matter.
Backstory
A month ago, the Original Poster’s (OP) oldest turned sixteen. For his sixteenth birthday, the plan was to let him skip school, get to the DMV when it opens, take the driving test, go on a small road trip, be back around when school gets out, and then all go out for a family dinner.
On the weekend would be his celebration with his friends. Skipping school for the DMV test was planned in advance, but the road trip was supposed to be a surprise.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “A few days before the road trip, my wife asked me to take our three-year-old with me that day. I said I wasn’t taking a toddler to the DMV; that place is a cesspit.
Also, the road trip is for additional driving practice before he can drive unsupervised. A toddler distracting him is not a good idea. My wife said she wanted the day to herself and if I wasn’t willing to take our toddler, the birthday stuff needs to be moved to the weekend so I can.”
OP Said He Would Take Their Toddler To Work
OP said he would take their toddler to work with him the next day, but their oldest’s birthday is his day, so he’s the priority. She got angry and said she’s made a hundred sacrifices for their kids, and saying she isn’t a priority (not what OP said) is disgusting. It was a big fight.
What Happened On The D-Day?
On OP’s son’s birthday, his wife kept texting him that he’s a jerk, multiple times. At the dinner, too, she was in a bad mood.
OP says “After everyone ate, my dad asked us all to go out to the parking lot. He handed the keys to his car to my son, saying he was getting a new one. He also said he would continue to pay the insurance for a year. My wife asked me if I knew about this, and I didn’t. She didn’t believe me.”
What Next?
OP’s wife had called and texted his dad multiple times asking if he was going to do this for all of their kids, saying he shouldn’t have done this without asking them first and telling him if he couldn’t do this for all the kids, he needs to take the car back.
Eventually, his dad told her to shut up and stop bothering him.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “My wife told me I need to stop talking to my dad. She said he used offensive language (he texted “stop bothering me woman” which she says is sexist) towards her, and I need to support her. I said she needed to stop talking to my dad, not me. I’ll support her not talking to him.”
Disrespecting Her
OP’s wife felt he’s disrespecting her, that he won’t listen when she says she needs help, and let his family treat her poorly. He thinks she is creating these situations herself. “She looks for offense and then finds it.” he says. Is he a jerk?
Something’s Fishy Here
“I can’t believe anyone would think that taking the three-year-old to your older son’s driving test and road trip on his birthday would be the time for a break. That’s a punishment for your older child.
This whole thing smells of something bigger. Is your older son hers biologically?” a user commented, to which, OP replied, “He is. They have had their struggles, but I thought that was behind us. Also, this time she isn’t fighting with him; she’s fighting with me and my dad. So I don’t know why this is happening.”
Your Wife Is Clearly A Narcissist
“Honestly, your wife sounds like a narcissist. She’s not happy unless she’s the center of attention or has managed to sabotage or upset someone/everyone around her. At which point she can play the victim/be the center of attention because people are mad at her. She’s creating drama on purpose and sounds toxic. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear this was a regular routine for her.”
Why A Specific Date For ‘Me Time’?
“Take the toddler to the dmv and road trip? And why does her time to herself have to be that day specifically? Couldn’t she get another day to herself? Yes, your son’s birthday is the priority. Agree. I’m a mom btw if that matters.”
She Isn’t Entirely Wrong, Though
“How often does your wife get a break?
How does your dad speak to your wife? Does he use ‘woman’ often to refer to her when speaking about her or to her? Is your dad one to treat women as hysterical nitpicking hens when they rightfully bring up serious things?
Because she is correct about one thing. He SHOULD HAVE told y’all about this big gift. And y’all should have been able to discuss an idea of what to do for the other kids at that time when they reached the same milestones because now a precedent has been set.”
Read: She Screwed Over People Who Donated Time & Money. People Are ANGRY, But We Think She is Right
Everyone’s Being Weird
“Not sure why your wife needed that day to herself. But I would be furious if someone gave my kid a car without clearing it with both parents first. If she refuses to give your son that kind of freedom/ responsibility, she is the bad guy. Your father should know better, and should never shut her down like that.”
Hire A Babysitter, Maybe?
“It sounds like your wife is exhausted. Hiring a babysitter to watch the three year old should have been considered so she could have a day and you could still be with your son getting his license.
As far as your dad goes, his comment is sexist. I would not like to be spoken to that way either. But having them not talk to each other now makes sense.
As far as the car- super generous gift BUT he should have spoken to the two of you first. Not every parent wants their child to have ‘free rein’ to go anywhere any time. Having oversight of a 16 year olds coming and going as a parent gets trumped when the car is his versus driving mom and dads car. Even if she was on board with accepting the car the two of you could have set ground rules for it in advance. She feels disrespected by your dad and that you don’t see her sheer exhaustion.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.