Your friend asks you to contribute financially to their wedding ceremony, but you don’t want to. This is a common reaction, but it’s important to consider all of the factors before making a decision. For example, your friend may be struggling financially, or they may have a specific reason for asking you to contribute.
An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for not wanting to help pay for my friend’s wedding? We want you to decide.
Backstory:
OP has a close friend from college who’s getting married, and she’s been asking for OP’s help to contribute to her wedding. OP thinks it’s sweet that she’s thinking of me, but she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for her to help out financially.
What You Need To Know
OP and her friend have been close for a few years now, and OP is happy for her.
She is struggling financially, and they have asked that instead of wedding gifts, people can donate to parts of their wedding ceremony (there’s a registry and everything, like “table flowers” and stuff).
OP’s Thoughts On The Matter
OP says, “I know she’s trying to save as much money as possible for reasons unrelated to the wedding. But I just don’t think it’s right for me to be helping her out with the costs at this time”.
What Else Does She Say
“I’m a recent doctorate candidate (soon), am currently writing a memoir, and I don’t know when I will have time to get a job – anything I give is that much less time I can live on my own.
Even if I could afford it, I don’t think it’s fair that I should have to help out when I know her fiance already has a job and could definitely get another, and some of his friends seem well off.”
The Revelation
OP tried to explain her financial situation to her friend, but she’s still asking for help, even a little.
She suggested that OP could contribute a much smaller amount than others, but OP still doesn’t think it’s a good idea. OP told her that if she was in a better financial situation, she would be more than happy to help out, but right now it just isn’t possible.
What Did The Friend Say
OP’s friend got really mad at her and said that she was selfish and that she expected more from her. Their group of friends all pledged to help pay for each other’s weddings back in college, and she says that since she helped pay for OP’s wedding ($550), she should help her out, even if it’s just $20.
OP’s Excuse
OP says, “She is also threatening to tell our group of friends, just because all of them contributed to my wedding – but she completely ignores the fact that my marriage didn’t last even one year.
I don’t want to lose her friendship, and I really don’t want her to tell our friends – my financial situation is private. More importantly, I also don’t want to be taken advantage of. Am I a jerk for not wanting to help pay for her wedding?”
Thank God We Made It Till The End
“Well, I’m glad I withheld my judgment until I got to the end. I’m going with “You’re the jerk” because you didn’t slip in until the second-to-last paragraph that the reason why she’s asking you is that she contributed over $500 to *your* wedding, and now that it’s your turn to chip in, you don’t want to give her a red cent.
You said she was also asking for help with things like decorations. What have you offered to contribute for labor, since you are unable to give a single cent because you are busy being a not-yet-doctoral student and writing a memoir?”
It Doesn’t Matter That Your Marriage Didn’t Last
“Wait … am I understanding that your friend group all pledge to help with each other’s weddings and they all helped you but now you are backing out of a pledge you’ve already taken advantage of.
It doesn’t matter that your marriage didn’t last. You still kept your friend group to their word and they all stepped and honored that agreement but now that you have gotten what you wanted out of it you can’t even find a small amount to keep a promise you made.
You’re the jerk and you deserve to be called out”
Wait A Minute…You Aren’t Reciprocating?
“Hang on a sec. She paid $550 for your wedding to help you and you aren’t reciprocating like you already agreed? That makes it an easy judgment. Your marriage failing hasn’t got anything to do with this.
Yet you’ll happily take other people’s money for your wedding. Don’t make stupid pledges you don’t intend on following through with.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.