The loss of a newborn baby is a profound tragedy, but it becomes even more agonizing when a mother is left to endure this immense grief without the support of her partner, who has vanished without a trace.
A user asked the forum, Am I wrong for not trying harder to let my ex know our son passed?
The Original poster ( OP ) and her partner had been together for four years when she found out she was pregnant. OP felt she didn’t want the child as her work offered potential advances for her position, and she was excited about it.
But discussing it a lot, OP and her partner decided to have that baby.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
When OP was around 20 weeks pregnant already, OP’s partner disappeared. OP couldn’t contact her partner, and he didn’t respond to her calls and messages.
OP GOT WORRIED
OP got worried and messaged her partner’s mother and found out that he was living with another girl, and OP was overwhelmed by this situation. OP’s partner kept paying his part of the bills to OP’s bank account without any contact.
OP even tried going over, but nothing changed.
OP GAVE UP
When OP was around 27 weeks pregnant, she gave up trying to contact her partner and even decided not to cry over what had happened.
OP WAS A SINGLE MOTHER
OP decided to go on with being a single mother. So, OP brought everything she needed for the next couple of weeks and set it all up. At 31 weeks, OP started getting pain. But that was just Braxton hicks.
But before OP turned 32 weeks pregnant, her water broke, and she went into labor, and the baby came very quickly.
OP’s baby went directly to NICU ( Neonatal Intensive Care Unit ). Still, OP tried to message and call her ex and his mother, but they didn’t respond.
Lesser than a week after birth, OP’s son passed away due to early birth complications.
WHAT DID OP DO
OP again tried to contact her Ex and his mother, but they didn’t respond. For the next few days, OP felt blurred. With the help of her father and mother, OP arranged her son’s funeral.
OP’S PARENTS ALSO TRIED
OP’s father and mother also tried contacting OP’s ex and his mother, but they didn’t respond. OP assumed they were all blocked, but she didn’t care as she was broke then.
OP’s son’s funeral passed, and OP felt horrible and beautiful simultaneously. At this point, OP stopped messaging her ex and also told her parents not to bother after the funeral had passed.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
After five months of OP’s son’s birth and death, OP’s ex turned up. OP wasn’t home when he came, and he could see that OP’s flat was not set up to accommodate a small child.
EX DEMANDED TO SEE THE BABY
When OP returned home, her ex was there, and he demanded to see his baby. OP broke down and told him what had happened. OP expressed his sadness and anger. OP addressed that she never saw him so sad and angry.
OP’s ex stormed out, slamming the door his way out.
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT?
OP got a nasty call from her ex’s mother and his siblings within half an hour. They all asked OP how dare she hide something so serious.
OP says that she tried, but she couldn’t keep trying. It has been three weeks since OP’s ex and his family have been awful to her. OP was speaking to her sister that weekend, and she said that it was bad that she didn’t keep trying and OP’s ex’s partner and his family deserve to know.
OP says she tried so hard to let him know, and then she struggled too.
OP asks Am I wrong for not trying hard.
CUT THEM OFF COMPLETELY
“He ABANDONED you while you were pregnant, and he and his family ignored your messages and attempts to contact you.
You are the opposite of an AH. I am so sorry for your experience, and I suggest changing the locks and cutting them off completely.”
HE MUST BE GUILTY
“Absolutely he knew. And all that his “anger” is, is a giant display of guilt. Trying to deflect blame on OP because, really, how could you live with yourself if you abandoned your partner and unborn child, and then blocked all contact, did not check in near or after the due date, did not check in when you heard the news about the complications/baby’s passing, then realized the huge mistake you made and decided to show up finally. How do you look yourself in the face after that? The answer is deep, deep denial and avoidance of accountability.
OP, you are not a jerk, and don’t let these monsters make you think you are for one second. The failure was theirs, whether they were willing to admit it. The guilt is on them, not you.“
“Honestly, I don’t care for him and his family.
You tried contacting them before and after it happened, and nothing. Then he just shows up like he didn’t abandon you at such a fragile time.
Honestly, if that was me & I tried contacting the dad/family & heard nothing, I wouldn’t bother either because planning a baby’s funeral would be my top priority. I was not chasing someone who had left.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.