If your partner treats you like a walking ATM, it’s time for a serious talk. An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for only paying for my wife and me at a restaurant?”. Here’s the full story for your context.
The Original Poster (OP) (24m) and his wife (24f) are a newlywed couple. OP’s wife has 4 friends whom she has been really close with since high school. For a celebration, OP’s wife decided to go to an expensive steak house.
The Day Comes
The day comes and they go in separate cars there. They all eat and OP’s wife slides the bill (700+) and proceeds to say. “The man should always pay for the wife and her friends.”
OP laughs awkwardly asking why. She says because OP is the man. OP tells her that the only other person OP would pay for would be OP and her.
“Her friends proceeded to laugh at me calling me a broke husband. I stand up and put 2 one hundred dollar bills for me and my wife’s food and leave.”, says OP.
The Fight Begins
OP’s wife gets home and starts screaming at OP. Saying OP made her feel embarrassed. How she promised her friends OP would pay and that her friends made fun of her on the ride home for marrying a man who can’t pay the bill.
“I decided to pack a bag and head to my friend’s house. I told my parents/friends and they said I should have just paid it. Now I’m having second thoughts if I overreacted. Am I a jerk?”, asks OP.
You Need To Educate Your Wife
“Not the jerk. You need to educate your wife. I will bet she thinks what she earns is hers alone, and what you earn, she is entitled to.”
She Should Have Asked Ahead
“Not the jerk at all. If she expects you to fork out an extra 400 to 500 dollars for her friends, she should have asked ahead. This was an absolute gold-digger move by her. Is this really who you intend to spend your whole life with?
Moreover, how much would she have lost if you asked how much fun the 1 man orgy was going to be later since all her friends are now your date? Pretended to be shocked and tell her you can’t believe all her friends want to date you now.
Yes, I know that the second part is more of a joke, but if she wants archaic traditions used whenever it benefits her, suggesting an equally archaic and preposterous notion seems fitting.”
You Aren’t A Walking ATM
“Not the jerk, your wife should’ve asked you beforehand and then she would’ve been aware you weren’t paying for HER friend’s meal. Her friends also sound awful by the way. You aren’t a walking ATM benefiting her circle of mean girls.”
You Were Quite Diplomatic
“Definitely not the jerk. I assume there was no agreement in advance that you and she would cover for everybody and then without warning, she wanted you to foot the entire bill for a group dinner.
Then she doubled down with some gender role nonsense while her friends attacked you. You put down $200 and left. That’s more diplomatic than I would’ve been.”
You Need To Sit Your Wife Down
“Not the jerk. But your wife and her friends? Definitely jerks. All of them. You need to sit your wife down and have a serious talk with her. You did not marry her to become the sugar daddy for her entire friend group. In what world does she think this behavior is acceptable?”
That’s A Different Level Of Entitlement
“If it was a remotely reasonable bill, I might have a different opinion. But expecting someone to just casually pick up a $700 tab, and ASSUMING they’re just gonna pay that? That’s a different level of entitlement. I’d reconsider that whole relationship. Not the jerk.”
You May Need A Post Nup
“Not the jerk, but your wife is. If she expected you to pay, she should have told you ahead of time. I would not share money with her. You may need a post-nup.”
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