When a child lives with them, leaving her somewhere to visit her parents becomes challenging. Consequently, she declined the offer. Is the responsibility on OP or her family?
A user asked the forum, “Am I a jerk for telling my family that my kids and I will not be visiting if we can’t bring my husband’s sister?”
BACKSTORY
The original poster (OP) ( 30 ) and her husband (32) have three kids (f5, m3, f3 mo). OP’s husband has a 10-year-old sister that practically lives with them. They don’t have custody of her right now (they are working on it), but they have her for up to two weeks.
OP SAYS SHE WILL GO HOME
OP says that she’ll go home for a couple of days, then come back for two more weeks. Her husband’s sister has a room at their house, and she considers her to be one of her kids.
WHAT DID OP SAY ABOUT HIS HUSBAND’S SISTER
She says that her husband’s sister is the sweetest kid. She never argues, never gets in trouble, absolutely no behavior issues. She’s just a little shy and stays close to them when they are around unfamiliar people.
OP’S FAMILY ASKING TO VISIT THEM
OP’s family has been asking them to visit since they had her youngest, but they don’t want her 10-year-old ( her husband’s sister ) there.
WHAT DID OP SAY
OP didn’t want to start any problems, so she had been saying not now for the past three months, but they were really pushing it the other day, so she finally told them that they wouldn’t be visiting until her 10-year-old is invited and made to feel welcome.
OP SAID NO
OP added that she would not deal with a mess like her bio kids getting presents and not her 10-year-old or her sleeping on the couch when everyone else gets a bed.
WHAT DID OP’S FAMILY SAY
OP said that they want them to compromise and send her to a sleep away camp so she’ll have fun and they don’t have to host her, but OP refused.
OP is clear about whether it’s all or none.
OP IS IN DOUBT
OP admits they’re saying she is a bad mom to her bio kids for taking away their grandparents because they won’t accept a kid that’s not theirs as their grandchild.
OP is starting to guess herself second and wonder if she is wrong for not letting her kids see her family because they don’t accept her 10-year-old.
Now OP wants to know if what she is doing is wrong.
YOU MUST STAND YOUR GROUND
“Not a jerk. – I wish that I had you in my corner if I were that child.
What concerns me is the fact that you even have to go there, your parents and family should automatically treat anyone that you consider a family with respect and ‘as a family.’
Good for you to stand your ground. I CANNOT imagine even having that process to exclude the 10-year-old. WTH is wrong with people.”
DON’T VISIT THEM
“Not a jerk, and if I were you, I wouldn’t visit even after you have legal custody.”
THEY ARE COLD-HEARTED
“Not a jerk.
They sound rather cold-hearted. I wouldn’t go even if they decided to change their minds. You’ve already seen what selfish AHs they are. What makes anyone think they’re going to change?
Let them visit you on your turf. You may want to warn them that should they decide to come bearing gifts, they will need to include ALL the children in your household because you’re a family of 4 children and two adults now.”
YOU KID’s GRANDPARENTS ARE SHOWING THEIR TRUE COLORS
“Not a jerk- every child in this circumstance would be so lucky to have someone like you willing to fight for them In the way that you’re willing to put your foot down with them.
You’re not taking away grandma and grandpa; in reality, grandma and grandpa are showing their true colors and showing that pettiness is more important than having all of their loved ones around them.
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