Unfortunately, some people still believe that mothers are solely responsible for childcare, regardless of the situation.
An internet user recently asked, Am I a jerk for not trying to find a babysitter for my surgery so that my wife could drive me to my surgery? We need you to find out.
Backstory:
The Original Poster (OP) scheduled eye surgery and checked with his wife to make sure she was free to drive him to his appointment.
She Asked OP Who Is Watching Kids
As the day was drawing nearer, she asked OP who was watching the kids during his surgery. He didn’t make any plans for that.
What Did OP Assume?
OP says, “We have a 1 and 2-year-old, but I assumed that she would just take the kids with us. If she thought that would be too much, she could ask her parents to watch them. Her parents are always willing to help.”
What Happened Next?
OP told his wife that she could ask her mom if she could watch them. His wife said something like, “No, I want you to ask your mom.”
What happened Next
Seeing as it’s easier just to find someone to drive him than it is to ask for someone to watch the kids, OP asked his mom if she would drive him to the appointment.
OP’s mom said she couldn’t but his step-dad offered to drive him (His step-dad and he are not very close and he’s not the kind of person OP would want to owe a favor if you catch his meaning).
Why Are OP And His Wife Annoyed At Each Other?
OP says, “So, I’m pretty annoyed that my wife is so reluctant to help me out. My wife is annoyed because she says she doesn’t want to be stuck in a waiting room with 2 toddlers. Am I the jerk?”
Patriarchy Much?
“You’re the jerk. Another classic case is the wife being expected to do all of the mental load regarding the kids. Do better.” Said one.
“This was exactly my thought. OP, be a parent and not a fun uncle.” Another added.
You Should’ve Asked
“Welcome to the mental load, where you *presumed* it was your wife’s responsibility to arrange everything you need for *your* surgery. You *presumed* she would be happy to sit in a hospital waiting room watching your kids.
You *presumed* that another *woman* would watch them, *her* mom. You never asked anyone any questions. You never took it upon yourself to think about what the people around you need in order to support you effectively. You just scheduled your surgery, booked yourself a ride, and *presumed* everything else would just work out, right?
Strongly encourage you to look up the mental load, and specifically, read the comic, “You Should’ve Asked.” by Emma C.”
Spend More Time Around Your Kids
“You clearly need to spend more time around your kids, taking care of them on your own because anyone with toddlers would realize that what you thought was reasonable (wife wait with kids in hospital) was absolutely unreasonable, unrealistic, and a recipe for disaster.”
Having Two Toddlers In The Waiting Room Isn’t A Great Idea
“Why would you think she wants to watch two toddlers in a waiting room? When people are sick or waiting to hear anticipated news, the last thing they want is two screaming kids.
You shouldn’t have just assumed your wife would figure everything out. They’re your kids, too.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs. Daaku Studio.