Some parents choose not to give their children locks on their bedroom doors until they reach adulthood. This parenting philosophy is rooted in the belief that children should not have privacy from their parents, and that parents should have the right to enter their children’s rooms at any time.
A netizen recently asked, Am I a jerk for supporting my boyfriend when he told my son “No lock till you’re 18”? We’re all ears for your opinion!
Backstory:
OP (F39) has been with her boyfriend for 4 years.
She has a bio son (16-year-old) as well as 2 step kids (11 & 13). OP’s son has been complaining about his younger step-siblings entering his room and taking his things constantly and without asking.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “I tried discussing this with the boys, and my boyfriend punished the boys and told them to ask first before taking anything. I also told them to return it if taken but my son said they haven’t listened, and things went back to how they were.”
What Happened A Few Days Ago?
A few days ago, OP’s son came downstairs saying his younger stepbrother broke his controller and put it back and told him he returned it as his dad told him, but the controller was broken.
OP again went to her boyfriend with this issue and had her son sit and talk directly to him.
OP’s Boyfriend’s Response
OP’s son asked him if he could get a lock for his room to resolve this issue, but her boyfriend didn’t welcome the idea and told him no because locks bring trouble to his house. OP’s son tried to convince him and assured him that he wouldn’t use the lock when he was home but only when he was at school or working.
OP’s boyfriend still said no and then told him, “No lock until you’re 18, period, no more discussion.”
What Does OP say
OP says, “My son will still be living with us because he decided to go to a community college, and my boyfriend told him when he reaches 18 that is when he gets to get a lock and start paying rent, and no one will bother him.”
What Happened Next?
OP’s son begged OP to say something since he couldn’t take it anymore after his controller was broken, but she agreed with her boyfriend that as the owner of the house, he gets the final say, and no lock means no lock.
However, the boys will face stricter punishments to enforce the “no touching others’ stuff” rule but OP’s son was having none of it and started yelling at her. Her boyfriend says his stepbrothers will never respect his privacy and his stuff, no matter how hard their punishment is. Since they never learn and are stubborn and will always do what they want.
The Argument Followed
OP’s son picked up an argument with her boyfriend after her boyfriend said he’ll pay for the controller. Then her son called her awful for siding with him and refusing to see the blatant injustice in this house and told them he’s reconsidering staying with them after 18.
What Does OP Say
OP says, “He keeps saying I’m not on his side ’cause if I was I’d be encouraging him to set boundaries and protect the stuff that he buys with his own money. I reminded him of how much my boyfriend helped us (we lost our apartment to debts and my boyfriend took us in 2 years ago we had nowhere to go) and let him know he’s doing his best to hold the boys accountable.”
Is OP being a jerk here?
You Are Choosing To Conform To Your Boyfriend’s Ego And That’s Crazy!
“You’re the jerk. Your son’s privacy is being invaded and you are choosing to pander to your boyfriend’s ego rather than support your son.
If your boyfriend won’t agree to a lock, the alternative is that your son gets sole discretion to decide how to punish your boyfriend’s brats when they invade his space or take his belongings without asking. No limits.”
Why Won’t You Help Your Son?
“You’re the jerk. Of course, you are. There’s a very simple solution to protect your son’s belongings and you won’t do it because…?
What exactly is the reason your husband won’t allow him a lock? What suddenly changes when he’s 18? I see you say that’s when he starts paying rent (that’s a whole other issue). Does that mean he’s only entitled to privacy and not having his belongings stolen and destroyed once he starts paying for it?
Why won’t you help your son? Why won’t you protect him?”
In A Way, You Are Preparing Your Son For The Real World
“I think it is great what you are doing. You are preparing your son for the real world. You are teaching your son that no one will stand up for him. Even his own mother rather obeys her husband’s commands than an object for the sake of her son. Those things are great to know before entering the workforce.
Also: People will destroy your stuff and there is nothing you can do about it. Even if you inform the “local authorities” like your parents, your boss or the police there is nothing they will do about it.
Also, you’re the jerk.”
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This article was originally published on Mrs Daaku Studio.