What would be more important to you, your child’s birth or your best friend’s wedding?

An internet user asked, “Am I a jerk for making my husband miss his best friend’s wedding?”. We need you to find out!


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The Original Poster (OP) (37F) and her husband (32M) are expecting their first child in the next few months. 

“It has taken us a long time to get here, as I struggled with infertility issues, so while the pregnancy was wanted, it was a surprise when it occurred,” says OP. 


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OP’s due date falls a week before her husband’s best friend’s wedding, two hours from where they live. OP’s husband is the best man.


Leave me alone. Dismal pregnant woman turning from man and lamenting
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When OP mentioned this to her husband, he likely couldn’t attend the wedding; he didn’t seem to understand. 

“I told him how it was still too far out to know, but there was a real possibility I would be waiting for labor to begin, in active labor, or just getting home at this time. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him being that far away in any of those situations, but he seemed to take it as a joke,” says OP. 


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Her (OP’s) husband has commented about getting a “private jet” back if OP goes into labor that day or just sending his mom over to help if she is a few days postpartum.

“I understand this is an important event to him, but with the unknown, I am not comfortable confirming he can go at this point, and I am looking for reassurance he understands that,” says OP. 


Upset young pregnant woman crying and sitting on sofa at home
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OP understands she could likely enter labor early, giving a long enough window. OP would feel more comfortable with him leaving her for some time (like 8 hours, returning and not staying over).

“But that’s the only situation I see that is possible for him to attend,” says OP. 


Pregnant woman suffering with nausea in morning
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“I am not trying to say he can’t go 100%. I am asking him to understand there are genuine situations that mean he may not be able to go whether the baby is here. Pregnancy complications would void the idea he could go if the baby is here. 

The doctor saying ‘baby is coming any day’ or ‘you are high risk’ would avoid him being able to go if the baby isn’t here. No signs of labor on that day, early delivery where I would be home and settled for a week with other support, and completely okay that would be an acceptable situation for him to attend the wedding.”


Upset pregnant woman crying, problems, sad, depression woman.
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“It seems like I am being forced to shoulder the burden and the anxiety of a very complicated situation versus having my feeling validated that we may not know what will happen now. Still, there needs to be a real yet flexible plan. 

Also, the wedding is five days after my due date, and first-time moms’ delivery usually goes longer than 40 weeks.”

Is OP a jerk?


Photo of unhappy aggressive brunette hair woman wear red dot shirt wtf confused reaction problems loser isolated on cyan color background.
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“No jerks here. It is awful that that’s the situation, he really should be there for you but to miss a wedding is also a significant thing. I don’t know if it’d be worth considering having a remote session for the speech, but I know that a wedding is more than just a speech. It’s a whole day, and it’s a massive commitment. 

But at the same time, he needs to be there for you during the end stages of your pregnancy. I assume you live in the United States, so you can’t just go there with him and go to one of the local hospitals if it all happens at that point.” 


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“Not the jerk. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my husband being so far away at such a critical time. I also know his best friend would be slightly disappointed but would understand. 

It’s easy to say he is only a few hours away, but so many what-ifs could mess up him making it home for the birth.” 


emotion face. angry mad cross enraged woman. young beautiful blond girl portrait on white background.
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“Not the jerk. It’s time for your husband to prioritize, and to be frank, at your age, your pregnancy is considered a risk. Especially so close to your due date. It’s honestly concerning that he doesn’t understand the severity of his ‘demand.’ Have a safe pregnancy, and congratulations!”


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“You are not the jerk, but your husband is. Many things can happen during childbirth, and you may need someone to drive you to the hospital in the middle of the night or take an ambulance (which your husband should pay for if he’s not there) if certain things happen. 

You don’t know when the baby will come, and you don’t know if there will be an emergency. You can’t afford to wait two hours in an emergency. Your husband seems careless. Did he not want to have children?” 


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“A lot can happen in two hours. I wouldn’t have wanted my husband that far away at the start of labor. Sure, he might not miss the actual birth, but you also want support for the start of labor.” 


Young brunette woman wearing turtleneck sweater clueless and confused with open arms, no idea and doubtful face.
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“Not the jerk. Your concerns & fears are valid. But let your husband go. I assume he’s got a cell phone. Early labor, particularly for first babies, can take a long time. My brother’s best man’s wife was due around the same time as the wedding and he had to leave during the reception.” 

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